28/7/2016 0 Comments THE DEADLINEIt's Baby A's due date today and what a shocker he's not here... yet (its only 11 am and there is plenty more hours left in the day). I have officially made it to the 40th week of pregnancy that's 280 days of unforgiving hard work. Just in case you didn't know what that entails I'll put it in perspective in 40 weeks I've managed to create a whole human being- that's another pair of arms, hands, legs, feet, ears, eyes, 10 fingers and 10 toes, throwing in a brain, a heart, a set of lungs and all the other vital organs which he needs to survive plus the placenta which is another organ I just miraculously made. That is a lot of hard physical work and just because I'm pregnant didn't mean the world stopped spinning I have had to keep up with normal life whilst enduring the physical strain of lugging around an extra 13 kg, a belly that has relentlessly stretched to its complete capacity and trying to tame 40 weeks worth of surprising pregnancy symptoms. Sometimes I'm not entirely sure how I've done it but then I like to smugly flick my hair off my shoulder and think I'm a bloody Super Women I'm built for this!, then there is times like now when I'm feeling far less heroic, looking like Super Women went on a 3 week bender and needs some serious TLC. Yep that Super Women feeling subsides as you start to near the date you have had marked on the calendar for what seems like forever, the date you have been looking forward to for 40 bloody long and exhausting weeks, the date that has been your pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, the date that was meant to be your deadline and got you thinking uh wtf is going on ? this is meant to be over! Well that date has got me sitting here overlooking this mountain of a belly questioning exactly that.. Wtf? I've done my job its the 28th of July so where is my baby? I know I said in a previous post that I don't recommend relying on Dr Google especially during pregnancy when your bound to go a little 'hormonally' insane (I'm just continuously going to blame it on the hormones, makes me feel a little better) but that date has got me Googling like a crazy women- You'll basically catch me on Dr Google after every twinge I feel, it could literally be a twinge in my one of my toes and I'm frantically typing into Google "Is toe twinges a pre-labour sign?"... I'm not actually that bad... but yes in all honestly I'm still googling 90% of my symptoms on a daily basis and yes I've clicked on basically every answer page available so now when I Google all of those page links come up a stale unexciting already used and clicked purple, purely pointing out that I'm going a little crazy and slowly leading myself into what feels like insanity. I Just want to put it out there for all the girls who were lead to believe a pregnancy is 9 months long, before I was pregnant I assumed so too but sitting here 10 months later I just want to laugh and cry at that big joke. 9 months is 36 weeks. Your not even considered full term until 37-42 weeks which starts from 1 week passed 9 months (yes I'm being very precise but trust me every week/day counts when your this bloody pregnant and exhausted) and yet still even though your baby at 36 weeks has all of their eye balls, fingers, toe nails, a head and a heart they are still better off camping out in your womb popping on the pounds as their lungs and brain are still developing until possibly 42 weeks...(In case you can't do the math- 42 weeks = 10.5 months, a typical pregnancy can and many times does last this long before your midwife decides an induction date). Bringing in the stats which I'm sure many exhausted and fed up mummy's to be's have become familiar with is that only 5% of babies are born on their 'due date'- clearly it's not the most predictable event + 40% of babies are born after their EDD. Which means I could be that 40% lugging around this mountain of a belly potentially for another two weeks which doesn't excite me at all. Obviously I don't want to be pregnant for another 2 weeks so for the past couple of weeks I have been looking at and contemplating my options that Google has supplied me with. My search question: "What can I do to naturally induce labour?". Come on, I bet all of you pregnant ladies have done it in the name of desperation and look, upon my investigation none of the methods overly excited me but I'll name a few that had some potential to be incorporated into my life. Number 1: Walking everyday- Yep I did try voluntarily going out of my way to enjoy a walk once, it caused rapid depletion of already low energy, breathlessness and annoying Braxton hicks. Number 2: Nipple stimulation- Can't say rubbing your nipples for hours on end is very exciting, so I upgraded to the breast pump hoping that would do the job but so far a lot of that golden goodness of colostrum and not a lot of uterine activity. Number 3: Consume 6 dates a day. I've managed to do this everyday. The things are sickly sweet and I don't enjoy them but I'm hoping they are doing something. Number 4: Acupressure- Well this one seems like the most enjoyable but unfortunately having parts of my ankles squeezed and rubbed doesn't actually feel that great and it's not something Adam is overly excited to take part of. Number 5: Sex- Some think what puts you in this situation may be your ticket out but let's be frank..You try and find the energy and the skill involved to try and get this one done at 37+ weeks pregnant while your feeling like a huge blown up whale hardly even able to roll over let alone whack this one out of the bag. There are quiet a few more that I could try out but to be honest I don't really want to subject myself to the possibility of explosive diarrhea, needles poking out of me (I've had enough of that) or burning my mouth off with spicy food. It's more stressful trying these natural methods than it is sitting here looking at that square box on the calendar whilst receiving messages all day asking if your baby is here yet. The final weeks of pregnancy I think have been the hardest for me emotionally and physically. I've been sitting in what I've read to be described as the 'In-between' I'm eagerly and anxiously balancing between my old world and my new world. I've said goodbye to work, to my youthful complete freedom, to my childless days, to life as I knew it... whilst I have ventured and headed towards this whole new way of being with my hands out before me reaching forward. I have prepared myself in every way possible for this new journey and life that hasn't yet fallen completely into my hands. So yes right now I am acknowledging that I'am here waiting uncomfortably in the awkward 'In-between'. I'm neither here nor there yet and let's be honest it's not a very exhilarating place to be in at this stage and I'm sure every pregnant women has experienced this feeling but look I have made it this far, I've carried a healthy baby to full term and there is a deadline- it may not be today but I'm so grateful that there is one. I also just want to share a very good article on this 'In-between' stage for other expecting mums that are also experiencing the 'In-between' and can master up the energy to read: HTTPS://www.mothering.com/articles/the-last-days-of-pregnancy-a-place-of-In-between Plus the website has lots of interesting articles on pregnancy/ motherhood that are definitely worth the read!
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The stereotypes of young parents. uneducated, unemployed, immature, incapable…….. I knew that when I told people that I was engaged at 19 and that I was planning to be married within the next year that I would become apart of a stereotype. These opinions and stereotypes usually came from people who had no idea about my relationship, life or much about me in general and generally came from older people and when I say older they could be as little as 5 years older to 40 years older and they would often like to share their many years of wisdom with me, the mistakes they made when they were my age and basically tell me to be young and make the most of my life. Sometimes I felt like I had to justify my choices and reassure these people that I am not some young immature 19 year old, I’m not getting married for religious reasons, I’m not reckless and irresponsible, no one is pressuring me to get married and that we aren’t love drunk and making a spontaneously blind decision. Adam and I made a conscious decision, we had the support from our family and friends, we had been together at that point for 5.5 years and responsibly made the decision to begin our adult lives together Married. I hated having to justify myself, why should I?. However I am the type of person who doesn’t like to draw unnecessary attention to myself so I sadly admit that to avoid having to justify myself I didn’t wear my ring in some settings.. usually when I had uni workshops so I didn’t become the forefront and center of attention while I sat there with 30+ year old’s. Just being the youngest in my classes and to be studying a counselling degree at 19 I copped a bit of judgement- I apparently was too young/immature to be studying Counselling and the majority of them had kids my age and would just see me as their child, too young to know what I want, too young to understand and deal with people and too young to obtain the qualities needed to become a counsellor. What a load of Bull Shit. So of course you can see my reasoning to avoid even more unwanted attention and protect myself from being judged…. **Just a note on the side- I ended up getting an apology from one of the ladies in my class who was about 40 years old- she came up to me at the end of a 1 week workshop and said that she at first judged my capability and competence of becoming a counsellor because of my age and automatically pictured and compared me to herself at my age who was lost and wild with no direction. I really appreciated the apology and for her honesty. Since becoming pregnant I knew that again I would possibly be facing similar stereotypes. This time though it wasnt as easy as taking off my ring to avoid the limelight of peoples questions and comments. Nope, because I was visibly growing my latest life event for everyone to observe. Personally and thankfully I have only experienced a very small amount of criticism about becoming a young parent. One of these experiences shockingly and surprisingly occurred during my very first antenatal appointment at the hospital I will be birthing my son at. It was here where I found myself feeling belittled and discriminated against by the midwife that conducted my first appointment. The way she addressed the appointment first off was unprofessional and had Adam and I both feeling uncomfortable and judged from the get go. We were made to feel that because we were 20 that we were incapable of caring, loving, supporting and raising a baby, that it was going to be a lot of hard work that we weren’t ready for (which I dont doubt that it is a lot of hard work and who really is 100% that ready?) and that I would more than likely suffer from pre/post-natal depression. I understand that a lot of questions are standard procedure but she had a way of targeting certain information and questions at us because of our age. Ultimately I walked out of our first appointment very confused, feeling incredibly criticized, upset and not sure what to do, surely midwives are meant to make you feel supported and capable during this time?. About a week later after constantly reflecting and thinking about that appointment I was encouraged and advised to write a complaint to the hospital and I am so glad I did that not only for myself but also on behalf of any other young parents to ensure that they don’t get treated the way we did. I believe that the Divisional manager of Womens, Children and Family health addressed our concerns and complaint very sincerely and professionally by making sure that there was discussions and ongoing education with not only the midwife that we saw but also with the whole midwifery team on the importance of good communication, especially on how they communicate to young parents. Even though I personally haven’t experienced a great deal of judgement because I chose to have a baby young, many other young mums some of which I know have been the ultimate target in today’s society for negative criticism and comments and the typical stereotypes not only from random older people in society but also by health care professionals. Why are young people being smacked with so much social stigma, judgement and stereotypes for their choices? I may be stereotyping this myself but it seems like some older people which in my experiences have been older women think that young people have no common sense, no responsibility, are incapable and have no ability to make conscious and mature decisions for themselves and I’m not entirely sure what makes people think they have the authority to dictate and impede on other peoples decisions unless it affects themselves. I also feel like some people forget that sometimes its more valuable to allow that person to be accountable for their own decisions and directions in life- how else are we meant to learn whats best for us? There are 35 year old’s that get married to their partners after knowing each other for 6 months and many times that goes unquestioned but if a 20 year old made that decision it would be frowned upon, there are 40-50 year old’s that still dont have an idea of what career path they want to go down and a 20 year old is expected to have their lives and career sorted by the time they are in their mid to late 20’s, there are 30-40 year old’s who dont own a house, dont have money, haven’t been overseas, are happy and comfortable and yet make the decision to have children regardless of their monetary situation but still a 20 something year old who follows the same path faces the speculation, judgement and social stigma simply because of their age. When did someones maturity and capability of making life changing decisions become determined by a number and need an age requirement? If its not obvious enough the point I’am trying to make is that there are still some males and females in their 30’s, 40’s, 50’s and possibly beyond that are still trying to discover who they are, what they want, haven’t ‘matured’ themselves and are still making the mistakes that teenagers and 20 something year old’s are stereotyped to make. Age really doesn’t define anything and really is only a number. Instead of inflicting words of discouragement, unhelpful words of ‘wisdom’, criticism and releasing the rest of whats in the jar of negativity on young people and their decisions, shouldn’t we instead be supporting them, feeding them with spoonfuls of valuable positive words and wisdom, inspiring, reassuring and strengthening them? Too many times older people have rained on young peoples parades and discouraged them from pursuing the life they want for themselves which in my opinion is demeaning and will probably cause that person to struggle with making conscious and personal choices later in life. There are so many decisions young people are capable and have a right to make for themselves that shouldn’t become the next new hot topic, criticized or stereotyped. At the end of the day young people do make mistakes, commonly a lot of them are the same or similar mistakes people twice their age make. If we dont make mistakes how do we learn to redirect ourselves and continue to grow and mature? I’m not denying the fact that young adulthood is a time of rapid change in so many aspects including physically, socially and mentally and for some young adults it can be an incredibly hard and challenging time and no not all young adults have the ability to make sensible and mature decisions and may need a bit of constructive help and guidance from others and that yes I agree sometimes young adults are not ready for the myriad of responsibility that comes with parenthood and yes sometimes parenthood + young age can entrench and create problems and also be incredibly challenging for some but it does not mean that they deserve to be stigmatized and derogated. I am and know of many other young mums/ parents and young married couples who are a living and breathing examples that some of these current stereotypes inflicted at us are a load of crap and account for a small statistic. It was a personal choice of mine and Adam’s to get married and to have children young and even if some children weren’t planned it doesn’t mean they are unwanted mistakes and it definitely isn’t an invitation for someone to put their two cents in with their degrading opinion, it should be an invitation to encourage, support and help young people to thrive no matter what challenges life throws at them. 18/7/2016 0 Comments Vulnerability-A ticket to successWhat will they think/say about me? Will they think I am weird? Should I really expose myself to people? Is my story and experiences even worth sharing? What if I am wrong? Am I smart enough? Am I degrading other peoples perceptions of myself? Last year for my degree I watched a TED talk by the author and speaker, Brene Brown. She discussed the topic of vulnerability and shame. Prior to this TED talk I saw the state of being vulnerable in some aspects of my life as a weakness and I was one of those people who at school and sometimes out side of school wouldn’t voluntarily step out of my comfort zone, put myself out there and I was and still am in some ways someone who was equally afraid to fail as I am to succeed. This fear was being controlled by those questions above. In some parts of my life I saw my vulnerability as a weakness and in others I saw my vulnerability as a strength. One thing I noticed about myself after watching that TED talk was that yes I was the person who was scared to raise their hand up in class in case I got the wrong answer and yes I’m someone who still struggles with that but I’ am not a person who typically holds back when it comes to sharing my own private experiences and stories of sexual abuse, being a child of an alcoholic, being bullied and family problems- not for the cause of putting my burdens on someone else but because I know feeling ashamed and vulnerable of these sorts of pivotal topics never did any good so to those I could see struggling with something of their own and needed someone to understand them I was and am more than happy to shed some light. This is where I saw being vulnerable and sharing my story and allowing others to share theirs as as a strength which had the biggest healing power. Going to an all girls high school I realised that I was swimming in an ocean of girls who felt vulnerable and shame for all sorts of reasons and you heard a lot whether they were rumors or true. That’s when I realised I had enough strength in me to willingly open up to some of these girls some of which were friends to shed some light and empathy. I found that by 13+ years old I had already walked in many of their shoes or similar shoes and that I was a magnet for an open ear and was always willing to help wherever I could. The heaviness the feelings of shame and vulnerability can have on someone so young can have huge affects on them mentally and emotionally and can later affect their choices in life to high degrees. Through choosing to be open in these aspects of my life and trying to be authentic to myself and share my experiences I have been able to make connections, learn a lot about myself and set myself up with a career path. Even though I aim to be open and honest and share aspects of my life that are incredibly personal and private it doesn’t mean it’s a piece of cake. It’s one thing to share it with a couple of people let alone to the possibility of hundreds of people. It definitely wasn’t an easy decision to put myself out here on a shelf and for everyone to read my thoughts, fears and experiences. Even starting this blog I questioned myself a lot. After publishing the first couple of blog posts I cringed at myself and thought what are you doing? What will people think of you? I felt embarrassed and thought what makes you think people would be interested in reading this? & You don’t even know how to blog. That was me being vulnerable and feeling shame. It’s human nature to look for other people’s vulnerabilities, while hiding our own. I do. Parts of the shame I feel and some of my vulnerabilities I play to my strength, the rest- well some of which I am aware of and others I am not so conscious of probably are lingering around trying to find a door to escape. Imagine the things we could do if we didn’t fear shame, rejection or exposure. There would be so many opportunities I would have closed myself off to and will probably continue to close myself off to until I completely embrace being vulnerable and human. As a person I generally feel confident in myself and to others I probably do come off as an outgoing, confident and open person and I also know that the other side of my demeanor can also come off as confidently blunt and brutal. Overall this doesn’t mean that I am an all round confident, outgoing or blunt person- I do struggle in certain situations and many times I have succombed to my ego and put on a brave face regardless of whether it was authentic or not. In some of my previous blog posts I have been openly vulnerable- expressing my fears, thoughts and some experiences. I feel like in some ways I am walking around naked exposing myself to criticism, judgement and allowing myself to be the discussion topic of others. But also from being vulnerable and letting myself go, sharing my stories and parts of my life I have not only noticed how courageous I feel but I have also found gratitude for all of my life experiences. Overall I have given myself the opportunity to move and inspire others. I have had a few people have the courage to reach out to me. A lot of the time they start their message with “I know we don’t talk and this might be weird to you but….” And then they go on to tell me how they love reading my blog and that I have inspired them in some way or another which is an example of them being vulnerable, reaching out and connecting and I am sure there are others out there that have read it or read bits of the blog and are too scared to reach out and share their thoughts. Brene Brown states that creativity, innovation, change, connection and beauty is born from vulnerability. It’s giving without expecting anything in return, saying the things you second guess about, and accepting with an open heart. It isn’t about over sharing or over exposing yourself. I just wanted to put the topic of vulnerability out there in hope that it changes the way people think about it. It is a strength, not a weakness and is our ticket to success no matter how big or small that success is. 13/7/2016 0 Comments Part B: life as I know itLast day at work was finally decided for the 15th of July which meant I would be 38w&1d. I didn’t want to stop working but I knew I was travelling into a dead end and eventually I was going to have to stop working be it a choice of mine or not… Well the plan to finish work on the 15th was interrupted because on Saturday I started to get dizzy and headachey which since then has progressed to feeling shaky, weak, very tired and sweaty. I went to work yesterday at 6am then suddenly started to feel dizzy and fuzzy, I sat there pondering over whether or not I should stick it out for the next couple of hours or if I should go home all the while I started to get really emotional and was on the verge of crying so I made the decision to leave and to go see a doctor. I knew he was fine he had been kicking and squirming all morning but I just didn’t feel right and thought I would feel better if the doctor could give me some answers. I reluctantly admit that I am one of those people who refrain from going to the doctors and wait there for 2 hours unless I actually think somethings wrong with me and if Google is unable to answer my problems. To be honest every symptom I have I usually just blame the pregnancy and Google tends to agree.
After explaining to the doctor all of my symptoms and her checking my temp, blood pressure, breathing and babies heart rate all she came up with is a little smile and “Your close to delivery”- (Thanks doc I did realise that considering I am 38 weeks this week) and then she sent me off for urinalysis and to be probed with needles to check my iron levels again and to rule out risks for pre-eclampsia, other than that she told me to rest. I went home and slept for a good few hours, forced myself to go for an afternoon walk to try and rid myself of this lurking headache and naively test out one of Googles natural labor inducing tips (which did cause lots of BH) and then returned home to try and do normal things like prep Adams lunch/dinner. I also texted my boss to let him know that I will be making it into work the next day and that I was feeling fine. Well my Mumma didn’t think so, after calling and texting me all day checking up on me and basically begging me to not go into work for the rest of the week she decided that she would conveniently call me at 9.30pm knowing I would be in bed with Adam next to me to tell me that I am not going into work tomorrow or for the rest of the week while I laid there refusing to listen and holding back tears. I ended up agreeing with her and saying I wasnt going to go in the next day knowing full well that I was and also trying to rack my brain with what will I say/do when she calls me to check up on me another 100 times while I was at work. I didn’t have the chance to figure my plan out as she was many steps ahead of me and asked to speak to Adam who also has been on my back about finishing work but his debate with me has failed so many times that he ended up giving up. The two of them agreed that my working days are over and Adam was to make sure I didn’t end up going to work. Once the phone call was over I cried a lot. I felt like no one was listening to me. If there was something wrong with Atti I would have definitely finished working but he was fine and everything I was feeling was normal late pregnancy stuff and I only had 3 days left of work. While Adam tried to comfort me all the reasons why I have been so reluctant to leave work became so much clearer. I am actually scared. My Job even though I didn’t really enjoy it and all it was was just a form of income and routine it was the last thing I could cling on to that I knew so well. Now that I will no longer be working the reality of the unknown has slapped me in the face and I am completely out of my comfort zone. I cant foresee what life will be like when Atti is here, I feel like I’m jumping into the deep end of the pool not knowing how to swim. I have a lot of nieces all I have seen grow from newborns so I’m not new to babies but I am new to motherhood and everything that it entails. I also have this overriding feeling of guilt that Adam has to be the one who goes to work to support us and that he will have too much pressure financially, physically and emotionally while I stay at home for who knows how long until I finish my degree and even though I have maintained a positive outlook on being able to achieve everything regardless of what gets thrown at us I felt like last night I snapped and my true fears of not being able to sustain the life we planned for had ruptured. Luckily for me I was able to sleep this off and be thankful for the family that I have around me who cares a lot. I then started thinking of those mums who are single and those other young mums. My mum was a single mum who had her first baby at 17 and predominately ended up raising 5 children by herself and would of most likely carried the weight of all the unknown’s. I know there were times that she would have felt slapped in the face by life and felt like she was swimming in the deep end and I also know that her children were her floaties and at the end of the day she kept her head above water for us regardless of whether she was struggling physically, emotionally or financially. She sacrificed a lot, would have gone through many dark tunnels, would have felt lonely and helpless countless times and yet she persevered time and time again. Pregnancy has been a real eye-opener for me and I find myself reflecting back more and more on my mums strength every time I am feeling weak and appreciating how far she has gotten and that there was light at the end of the tunnel. I also find myself thinking about those girls I knew that found themselves pregnant at 16-18 years old and I have so much respect for them. I have my life as in order as it possibly could be ready to welcome a baby into the world despite my worries. I couldn’t imagine the hardship they felt at 16, 17 or 18 falling pregnant in high school, making the choice to be a mother and therefore not being able to finish their HSC with their friends, struggling with their relationships with their parents, boyfriend and friendships, not having an income or financial backup plan, watching the people they went to school with go overseas, go out every weekend, go to Uni and get jobs while they are just finding their feet in the unknown world of motherhood, selflessly giving up their teenage/young adult life and putting a lot of the above on hold in order to raise their little’s. So while I’m sitting here a little more clear headed thinking about all the unknowns I am about to encounter I am also trying to finish this post with feelings of thankfulness for my family and happiness for all of those single and young mums who figured everything out despite their times of weakness and hardship. p.s- luckily I didn’t go into work- my mum made it a habit to call me every two hours to have a chat and to check up on me haha gosh I love her p.s.s I don’t recommended relying on Doctor Google. 7/7/2016 0 Comments AN OPEN LETTER TO MY MANNever did I ever think that someone could blow me off my feet day in and out. Ever since we found out we were expecting you have bloomed- you have always been the greatest person I have ever met and you never have had to prove yourself to me but your disposition as a husband and dad-to be has prospered in ways I could have never imagined. I know that I am your world and even more so that family is your universe. You nurture and tend to my needs daily and even though we have been blessed with a healthy pregnancy and baby we have not had the easiest ride this year, yet still through everything you have maintained my rock. You are the definition of what a true man is one that serves, supports, devotes, fixes problems, you are my leader when I'm lost and you show and give passion, patience and protection. Throughout this journey you havent failed to amaze me and have done so many things right. You have surprised me with your inquisitiveness and some of your odd and random questions even from very early on like "how much do you think we will have to clip his nails?", anytime someone asked if you were nervous you have openly and honestly always said No which is quite the rare answer for anyone to give during this dramatic change but yet I actually believe you. You have been prepared from the get go even more so than me; you built his room from the ground up, you have excitedly bought tiny little baby clothes, you have been eager since month 4 to pack the hospital bag and to have it in the car ready to go and have cutely over time added items in there for both him and I, you have come to every midwife appointment and have asked more questions than I ever have, you have woken in the night to settle me when I'm restless, you secretly journal this journey since day one for me as a gift to both Atti and I to look back on, have shown nothing but eagerness and readiness to support me through birth and welcoming our little man into the world and have given me beautiful insight of what a wonderful life we will have. A lot of people expect women to be born with all of these natural maternal instincts which would overtake them during pregnancy but for the past 9 months I feel like you you have proven to have more of these instincts than me and that you were born to create a family and be a dad and that it is so much more than just your biological purpose on this earth. I just want to tell you how thankful I am for making me feel beautiful and adored even when I was a complete mess and when the changes and demands on my body got overwhelming, thank you for keeping the romantic in you alive, thank you for coming and easing any worries at every midwife appt, doctors appt, ultrasound appt regardless of whether or not it fit in your work schedule and for holding my hand through every needle I've had to get, thank you for understanding and laughing with me and not at me for those times I have accidentally peed myself in the most public of places, thank you for being patient and gentle during those times my hormones took me on a rollercoster ride and used you as the punching bag, thank you for connecting with our baby even before birth and for playing and poking him every time he wiggled inside me while we lay and watch him at night, thank you for prioritizing "us"- I haven't felt alone throughout this process and that is solely due to your commitment and devotedness, thankyou for being so dam prepared, thank you for always responding and taking action and working through adversity and thank you for your unconditional love and support. Regardless of how soon our lives will change which could be at any moment now and how much of a challenge things have been or may be in the future I have so much gratitude for you and I marvel at the demonstration of what a wonderful husband you are and the dad that you already are and will be and I hope that every man that meets you/knows you takes you as a prime example of what a true man is. 6/7/2016 0 Comments GrandadGrowing up I wasn’t overly close to my grandparents most likely because of my family dynamics. If anything I was closest and have more memories of my grandparents on my dads side but these are only memories I have of them as a child when my younger brother and I would spend the weekends at their house and even then my brother and I didn’t spend a great deal of time with them personally. During my early teenage years I rarely saw them at all even though we were no more than a 20 minute drive so unless it was Christmas we saw them only a few times a year. Unfortunately lots of time was lost when my Grandpa passed away suddenly in 2011, my Grandma was then diagnosed with dementia not long after and then conflict arose within my dads family so I started to visit my only Grandma less and less. I remember it wasn’t until his funeral when I was 15 that I learnt a lot of stories about his life that I had never heard of before and it wasn’t until he passed away and until the recent passing of Adams Grandad that I actually realised what I had lost and have only just appreciated the types of things that I did experience as a grandchild with my grandparents. Even the smallest of memories and little gestures are what seems to over pour any other major ones and something that stands out as clear as anything is that the littlest of memories are the ones that are treasured the most. This I never realised or thought of up until the past couple of months. I actually believed that I never really had a real childhood experience with my own grandparents but since the passing of Adam’s Grandad and after spending lots of time appreciating Grandad’s life and all the experiences my brother/sister in laws and Adam got to have with their grandparent somewhere in me unlocked the little memories I have of when my own Grandpa used to bring out the harmonica and play all sorts of songs, when he would draw Disney characters in pen on our arms, speak to us in a Donald Duck voice, show us his worm farm and let us play with the worms, unwillingly let us pick the lemons and grapefruits off the trees in the backyard and go down for walks to the lagoon with the dog to throw the ball. I started to remember things like when we would visit how they always had juice, soda and biscuits kept away for us and how they would turn the blind eye when we would climb up on the kitchen bench so we could steal the nicer biscuits tucked away in the high cupboard, things like how Grandma always had to have special covers on the lounges so they wouldn’t be ruined and ever since we were babies their lounge room arrangement never changed and she would always be sitting in the armchair by the huge window, how Grandma always kept scented dried flowers in little bowls all around the house and I would steal them and how she never got angry at us despite how much she hated it when we would pick all of her precious flowers in the garden so we could play magic and make witch potions under the house. It has taken me until now to realise that these are the normal types of memories you would have of your grandparents however I understand that all of my positive memories could have been blurred and distorted for me as I never had a positive relationship on my mums side. I never got to meet my mums mum who passed away only a couple of years before I was born and my mums dad definitely doesn’t deserve a grandparent of the year award let alone a mention in this blog but I will acknowledge that I would never be the person I am today without experiencing the things I did because of him and despite how negative those experiences were and despite being deprived of many years of my innocent childhood and growing up too quickly I am honestly grateful for every experience I’ve had and I only look at it in a positive way/ With that being said and in a positive light I am so thankful for Adams family who I have been blessed with. Adam and I had two completely different upbringings despite the fact that we both come from large families of 5 children. Since we first met I can remember all the stories that were told of his childhood, particularly the fond memories he had with his grandparents from the UK. I was lucky enough to meet them very early on into our relationship starting from around 15 years old when they would visit from the UK. In particularly I was able to develop a relationship with ‘Grandad’ over the 7 years of being with Adam and I know Adam was particularly fond of his Grandad and I learnt lots of little stories about their relationship and memories that they shared together since Adams childhood. To be honest I cant even think of a time where I ever called Grandad by his actual name which is Derek, it sounds weird for me to say and I feel more awkward calling him Derek then Grandad. Getting to know him over the recent last years I noticed that to him it didn’t matter whether or not you were blood related to the family he literally took you in and cared and gave you as much attention and time as he did to his own grandchildren. As an adult ‘grandchild’ I learnt so much from Grandad that I never got the chance to do personally with my own Grandparents so I am so grateful for him and to have had that opportunity. I was able to learn so much about his own life and his stories were always so captivating and interesting and he had a way about him that was charming and witty. I am privileged to have traveled over to the UK a couple of years back with Adam and to have stayed with him and that he was well enough to travel back here to have spent the last seven months surrounded by all sorts of celebrations. Despite the sadness that is felt at the thought that he was only weeks off meeting Atticus I am so thankful that he was actually the person who announced our little surprise to the family by reading out a riddle Adam wrote after dinner one night, we were blessed that Grandads health enabled him to witness our wedding and allowed me to dance my feet off with him and even though it is bittersweet I feel like we were gifted with welcoming the arrival of a boy this year for a reason. It was truly an honor to know Grandad and to have had the time we did with him. Without him it would have probably took me a long time to acknowledge my own memories and the appreciation for my own Grandma and Grandpa that they deserve. |