20/12/2016 0 Comments Violence isn’t a superpowerLast Friday I was absolutely devastated to hear and see what was going on over the other side to the world. I was faced with images of children and babies covered in dust and blood laying lifeless in the arms of rescuers, or hanging onto their life under the war rubble, I saw children absolutely distraught beyond words after watching their parents die and I saw parents tormented as they learn their children are no longer with them. I feel so guilty and ashamed to say that before Friday I had never even heard of Aleppo, let alone the extent of the horrific things that were taking place in Syria. I was sitting in the car next to Adam crying with a burning feeling in my throat as I scrolled through the images of these poor helpless children and babies and the torture these people were experiencing while my heart physically seized in pain for them. I kept asking Adam why?, to me nothing in this world is worth taking the lives of others especially innocent babies and children and I just dont see the point in causing so much heart ache and havoc. I literally was speechless and I just dont understand. I feel so much guilt and shame when I sat there scrolling through these horrendous images knowing that we will most likely never know their pain and that while they are over the other side of this world enduring the unimaginable, we were over here with our safe, happy babies, getting ready for Christmas and fretting over the worst of our problems, money. I feel sick every time I am faced with one of those images, my throat goes tight and my eyes automatically well up and I wish nothing more than their suffering to stop. Things like this make you feel powerless, no matter how much you want it to stop you feel like everything is beyond your control and the closest many of us will get to it is from what we learn through the media when another disastrous event takes place and our social media accounts are filled up with the distressing images of war struck children, people crippled with trauma and prayers. This morning I woke up with Aleppo on my mind and also learnt of the attack in Berlin that had just happened overnight. It’s so easy for us to turn the TV off, avoid the harsh realities of the latest news and push those horrible images out of our mind. It’s easy for us to forget what is happening to the millions of people around the world as we get so caught up in our own incomparable issues that really are incredibly insignificant on the scale. Its also easy to forget or not even realise that there is also so many other people and countries suffering around the world from war and genocide. “Of the past 3,400 years, humans have been entirely at peace of war for only 268 of them, or just 8 percent of recorded history”, It almost seems that we will never live in a world free of war and genocide. I have spent the morning reading, trying to understand some of the wars currently taking place but honestly no matter how much I try to understand and educate myself I am still confused with how people think that death, chaos and destruction is the answer. At the end of the day and as a citizen of the world its important to be aware of what is constantly going on around the world and to try and implement change starting with our children. We may feel hopeless and powerless against all these current wars around the world that are fueled by hate, revenge and greed but we all have the momentum and the power to educate our children and others and teach them love, acceptance, forgiveness and peace. If we dont try and educate our children, our little ones will grow up thinking that violence and revenge is the way to solve problems thus the cycle will keep going. Teaching our children meaningful virtues, conflict resolution skills and acceptance is the superpower for change.
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8/12/2016 0 Comments 2016 in reviewI am a pretty anxious person so when I found out I was pregnant it put my whole world into a spin. I was incredibly excited but also very nervous. You never really know where life is gonna take you but any idea's I had got distorted and blurry pretty quickly. I was determined not to make my pregnancy change much in my life at the time so I continued with Uni up until I was early in my third trimester and I worked 30 hours a week up until 2 weeks before I gave birth, these two major things where also combined with alot of other stuff that was happening around me. Honestly, I didn't leave much time for myself in between everything either, I kept myself super busy and muddled up with everything which in hindsight was a big mistake. I had people all around me telling me to give it a break, I had Adam trying to calm every insecurity I felt for my future and I put too much pressure on myself to make sure everything was together. I was happy and excited but I was also drained and sometimes lost. So much is going on in your body just with pregnancy alone and I think I purposely made sure my plate was overfull so that I didn't have to face the fact that everything as I knew it really was going to change or come to terms with the fact that I had lost the reigns long ago. Pregnancy is a mystery, sometimes magical, sometimes cruel. Your not entirely sure physically, mentally and emotionally whats going on most of the time. Google provides some clarification that no that stabbing pain in your vagina isn't your baby with a samurai sword but is just common nerve pain and the only explanation you get for crying during the Telstra ad is hormones- which holds its validity throughout a women's entire lifespan. One day I felt on top of the world and the next day I would be barely functioning. In terms of being prepared... the only thing you can really prepare for is to getting rid off all the expectations and also the stuff you need to buy for the baby two things I think I did pretty well. You can have their wardrobe full of clothes, the cot set up, stockpiles of nappies ready to go and all the rest of the little bit and bobs that you have spent months researching about all in order but personally for me no amount of essential lists I pinned on pinterest, stories, articles or books I read, the prior personal experience I possessed or the classes I took could 100% prepare me for 1. The Birth and 2. The Baby. The night I gave birth Adam was able to stay with me until it was like 2am after that Adam and the nurses left me to rest with my brand new baby fast asleep in the hospital bassinet next to me. I was pretty anxious about being without Adam, I was swollen, could barely get myself off the bed, I was beginning the journey of exhaustion and I wasnt so sure what to do with Atticus. I didn't go to sleep straight away, I stared at Atticus, notified my friends and woke them up with a very detailed birth story and fought the urge to wee because I was too scared. I didn't know that Atticus needed to be fed every couple of hours, that I had to check his nappy or even that I was free to pick him up when I pleased so when he got grizzly in those early hours, I had no bloody clue what to do so I shh'd him and softly patted his tiny body back to sleep. It wasnt until the morning when I would wait for the nurse to place him back in my arms that she asked me about when he last fed or if I have checked his nappy. I probably looked at her a bit blankly so she ended up giving me a checklist so every feed and nappy change including all the finer details were documented. It was the second day I got the hang of things, the nurses were actually baffled at the fact that it was my first baby as apparently I seemed to be doing really well but all that was really happening was that I was starting to master a motherhood skill of 'winging it until it works' which has been working out very well for me. After 2 days I left that hospital waddling from being swollen and having to get used to walking with maternity pads the size of a surfboard in between my legs with Atticus bundled up in my arms. It was the most beautiful moment watching his face light up with the suns glow and christened with the earths crisp winter air when we left that building but at the same time I also felt homesick leaving the hospital as my life changed so dramatically in the space of hours there. Bringing him home was legit like preparing to warmly welcome a complete stranger into your home without the means of a detailed background check. It's funny, you initially know nothing about your baby, yes their name, their birth details and you now know the basic baby stuff like that they need a meal every couple of hours and that their nappy needs to be changed etc but really you dont know alot about them and it's through the trial and error game that you try and figure it all out. There is so much more to these little people then just the regular baby stuff and you quickly learn that just like you they are unique and individual and that they aren't the typical textbook baby. From birth they have individual preferences and characteristics that you quickly tune yourself into (like the fact Atticus hated normal baby lullabies and instead went for the hard and heavy music to get to sleep). I am so lucky Adam was with me every hour for the first 5 weeks of Atticus' life which buried alot of my pondering anxiety as I always had an extra set of hands and support especially when we were out and about. Since bringing Atti home I have noticed a complete change in myself I have let go alot especially the need to control things and I actually started to relax with myself especially when it came to my thoughts on where my life was heading. I finally felt at peace because there was no where more important for me to be then with Atticus. I feel alot less stressed, a ton happier and I have hardly cried since having Atticus and I think it goes to show that I am exactly where I need to be. Having a baby fills your plate and sometimes overfills your plate but its with all the good stuff and looking back during pregnancy I wasnt allowing myself to have that good stuff by trying to control my direction in life. I'm so glad I put Uni on hold and gave myself time to fully embrace being a mumma without all the added stress. I couldn't of ever imagined how rapidly Atticus would grow and I had no idea how quickly he would learn and flourish and go from a newborn to a baby in such a short amount of time but I am so relieved and thankful that I allowed myself to devote as much of myself to him in these first few months of his life and that at the end of the day it was a choice I made for myself. Looking back on this year it has been so full on. We got married and honeymooned, I was pregnant, working and studying, we lost a loved one, I brought Atti into the world and we became parents along with all the other little hiccups and festivities along the way and one we are so looking forward too- Atti's first Christmas and the start of our own family traditions. It has defiantly been the busiest, most trialing, happiest, intense and most exciting year of my life and so much goodness and prosperity has come from it all. I have learnt so much from hindsight (as you do), things have become so much clearer for me, I have grown as a person, I have made alot of new friends and I have finally figured out whats important and whats not. 2016 has definitely set a benchmark for years to come and with 2017 just a few weeks away I cannot wait to see what it unleashes for us. |