30/1/2017 0 Comments Our teenage love story/ proposalStarting the Love month off by sharing our teenage love story including our proposal story since I haven't yet already done it..
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28/1/2017 0 Comments HAPPY HALF BIRTHDAY6 MONTHS YOUNG When I found out I was pregnant I hoped it would be a boy plus everything in me believed I was carrying a baby boy. I couldnt see myself as a first time mum with a daughter, I’m not sure why I just couldn’t. At our 12 week scan we asked the sonographer if she could tell the gender even though it was too early to really be 100%. She told us she was pretty sure we were having a boy but not to hold her to it until we had our 20 week scan. I didn’t need it to be reconfirmed at 20 weeks everything in me already told me that I had my Atti. Adam and I have had our baby names picked out since we were about 16 years old and overtime we erased some from the list and added some- Atticus was not on the list. It was on our honey moon in LA when I was 13 weeks pregnant and still not actually 100% sure that I was having a boy that I started to call our baby Atti. Adam didn’t like it and had to keep telling me to stop getting my hopes up in case ‘he’ was actually a ‘she’. It wasnt until we came home and I made him watch the black and white movie ‘To Kill a Mockingbird’ that the name Atticus grew on him and that yes our baby was confirmed a boy. All the above may seem irrelevant to my ‘Happy half birthday’ post but for me knowing the gender and the name of my baby before he was earth side was incredibly momentous to me as it was those two things that helped me build the connection that I have with my son today. Atticus is now 6 months old, which to some may also not seem so significant but is very significant to me. So many profound things have happened since Atticus came into the world. The 28th of July 2016 is the day where I finally felt at peace with my life, not actually during labour that was the most far from a peaceful experience I’ve ever had but approximately 10.42pm the minute after he was born I felt overcome with utter peace. 6 months of pregnancy is actually equivalent to 456 years, 6 months of Atticus earth side feels like 1 week and it has gone so dam quickly. Oh baby boy, The night that you graced us with your presence was an awakening. An awakening of intense emotion and feelings. I have never felt pain and fear as intensely as I did that night bringing you into this world, that experience challenged me to my core but I have never felt love as deeply as I have when I first laid eyes on you and then on your dad. I was awakened with appreciation for my mum who witnessed your birth as I have no idea how she gave birth 5 times and I had no idea how much she loved me and my siblings until I had you in my arms. I was awakened with gratitude with your perfect health and my perfect health and not one complication. I was awakened with a new perception of the world around me and thankfulness. I was awakened with purpose and I was awakened with new confidence and sensitivity. That night divine light gushed into my life and my heart fully blossomed. Even though there are those days where I feel like I am barely functioning on a whole I am more alive then I ever have been, I feel more connected than I ever have and I have been transformed with intuition. Becoming your mum has started me on a purposeful life journey of selfless devotion and everyday I am enriched with the miracle of life when I look at you. Over the past six months I have felt you grow in my arms, getting heavy quickly, no longer can I smoothly bundle you up for cuddles without limbs flying everywhere and lots of squirming and no longer will you fall asleep when nestled up on my chest, no longer are my days quiet and slow and no longer can I peacefully breastfeed you without you being distracted or you biting me. Every stage has had its challenges and some days are just too much and I feel drained, these days it’s not as easy as comfort feeding you or embracing you tightly to soothe you- your personality is coming through, your learning and taking so much in everyday that I understand it can be frustrating when I don’t get it right so quickly anymore. I still watch you when you sleep risking you waking up just so I can watch your content little face rest so quietly and peacefully and watch your perfect little lips suck instinctively as if you were still attached to me and I love sneaking you back into our bed in the morning so I can be graced with your big smile as soon as I open my eyes. You are becoming your own little person, with you im learning your likes, dislikes and new ways of communicating. Some days you got me going crazy trying to figure it all out. Your not as chilled out as I thought you would be, you can have a temper of a toddler and someday’s you are just one wild child making berserk loud noises and squeals and having everyone in the shopping center wondering what little rascal that noise is coming from- you are definately larger than life baby boy. You love company and being around people even if its just for you to observe them with your serious face or for you to talk their ears off and pull at their faces or hair, you are obsessed with your Daddy and after a whole day with me there is nothing more exciting for you then seeing him walk through the door, you would much rather be held then be in your pram because the view from our arms is always much better but even so you still demonstrate your independence as now you prefer to feed yourself rather than be spoon-fed, you are becoming a handful when we go out to cafes constantly trying to grab food and at one point had dad wearing my carrot juice. I have a love hate relationship with how quickly you have grown and developed. These days you roll all over the house, you are trying to crawl, you look when we call your name, you sit up, you give us high fives and are learning to clap (Well when I clap you slap your leg as if to clap but you haven’t figured out it requires two hands), you watch where I put things that I confiscate from your grasp and continue to sought out for it, I watch you discover your own cause and affect and marvel over how an object has two different sides, I have heard your sweet little voice cry mama and babble dada, you have such an inquisitive and curious soul with a love of being outside and you most definately are a boy of the the ocean. Another thing that I am feeling so fortunate about is making it to 6 months of breastfeeding you, you will never understand the physicality of such a task but it isn’t an easy one. Not that you would particularly want to know but our initial stages of breastfeeding was filled with pain, it hurt so bad but I stuck it through to see your legs and arms form those oh so cute chubby rolls and for that extra connection it promised and delivered. The demands of breastfeeding meant that some of my only chances of ‘me time’ had to be passed off , it also meant attachment on a whole other level- it was those quiet breastfeeding moments that I was reminded how much you needed me and relied on me not just for nourishment but for a comfort that nothing or no one else could provide for you. Now we are going through different challenges and hurdles you like to bite with you teeth less gums that have me dreading teeth, the busy body in you also gets very distracted and must know whats going on around you making a successful full feed very hard to accomplish and as much as I have loved our breastfeeding journey, challenges and all I would really love it if you went back to taking the bottle without the battle. The last 6 months hasn’t been plain sailing but without a doubt it has been the most amazing 6 months of our lives. We are so honored to have you, you have definately transformed and changed our lives forever but what a wonderful one you have created for us. Happy Half Birthday Atticus. 16/1/2017 0 Comments 1 year wedding anniversaryThe Sixteenth of Janurary On an overcast, wet and rainy summer's day in January, one year ago to be exact, we took each other to be husband and wife. We didn't follow tradition and not see each other the night before, we couldnt be apart no matter how much our friends tried, so we laid our heads on our pillows together the night before the big day with fire and excitement burning in our hearts and woke up the next day to find out Adam had basically lost his voice and had come down with a cold (which tends to happen when hes under stress ha ha !) The whole morning leading up to the big event I felt incredibly relaxed and calm despite the fact that the whole morning it poured down with rain and our ceremony was outdoors and only hours away. It was a day we had dreamt, visualised and 'pinterested' since we were 14 years old, a day we worked so hard for to make happen for just over a year and a day that couldnt have been any more perfect if we had tried. The weather cleared up only moments before I made my entrance down that isle, I remember thinking to myself 'do not cry' and 'holy shit so many people' as I took my younger brother by the arm as he walked me down the isle...actually it was more of a speed walk down the isle. Before I even made it to Adam I could feel a lump form in my throat and I knew I would start to cry, it was the looks of the purest form of happiness that were shown on the faces of my family that set me off, in particularly I remember the look on my older brother's face as we made eye contact on my way down. I then laid eyes on Adam waiting there all handsome and love struck who was also fighting the urge to break down in tears and it was then I felt completely consumed in love. We made promises to each other in front of all of our closest family in friends. Some of which I haven't been so successful with but I have a lifetime with you to keep working on them. I thought today I would revisit the promises we made to each other, posting them here in a space I created about our lives to reminisce, remind and to share them again with all of our friends and family new and old. Adam today I stand before you and everyone we love, taking you as my lawful wedded Husband. We have been dreaming of this day ever since we met and I still cant believe I have been given the greatest gift of you. From this day forward I promise to never stop dreaming with you, I promise to keep the kid in you alive, To always be down for you spontaneous adventures and to be a better sport when you want to watch NRL. I promise to support the man in you, to keep your heart wild and to always love your beard no matter the shape or length. I promise to never leave your head unscratched, your back untickled, to snuggle even when its uncomfortable and to always find us food no matter the circumstance. I promise to be faithful in times of trial, to celebrate with you in times of joy and to never leave you no matter what. I promise to give you grace and to fight for your heart with persistence. I promise to come along side you, to support you and to follow you wherever our lives may lead. I promise to always let you in and to fight battles together knowing that what yours is mine and mine is yours and I promise to love you unconditionally. I couldn't be more blessed to be able to call you mine for the rest of my life. I love you. Cassandra, I vow to make you laugh, and to make you smile I vow that we will live free and always dream wild I vow to hold you and protect you through the open seas and to bring you home safely when we travel overseas I vow to let nothing stand in our way I vow that we can do anything that we plan or we say I vow to make you feel special and woosy every single day And to treat you with respect in every single way I vow through the good and the bad To always be standing right beside you holding your hand To never let you go Even when the wrinkles start to show What we have is more then love Its something special brewed from above I vow to always listen and respond I vow that nothing will ever break this magical bond My beautiful bride My future My wife I vow all these things throughout our life Cassandra, today I stand before you and everyone we love, taking you as my lawful wedded wife. One year later and I must say I absolutely love and am so proud to be your wife. You continue to amaze me with your selfless and unconditional love, your endless patience, your high spirits, your constant encouragement and support and your wanting to put mine and Atticus' happiness above your own. I am beyond blessed to have a man who has been my rock, my mentor and my biggest cheerleader, to have someone who has loved me despite my wrongs and someone who continues to push me to be the better version of myself. Thank you for making me Atticus' mother and Thank you for being his father. I am so glad he has someone full of love, passion, happiness, drive, adventure and life to look up too and learn from. I promise to continue to promise working giving you more head scratches, back tickles and NRL game viewing. Here's to one absolutely amazing and memorable one year as husband and wife and many more rich years to come ♥ Love you lots xxx I've got 2 weeks worth of clean washing still sitting in a basket on the nursing chair in my room- I have to sit in it to feed Atticus at night time. The floors haven't been vacuumed in 3 days (that is HUGE for me). I have a duvet cover that's has depressingly hung on the line for two weeks in rain and shine without me claiming it, it needs another wash, maybe even 3 washes but you know what I cannot be stuffed to wash it again so im just going to throw it out. I've got poo smeared on the bed cover that's on my bed now, I'm yet to wash it because lord knows the fate of that bed cover too if I decide to wash it and hang it up. I'm lucky enough that I've got a spare room that actually hides all the mess (out of sight out of mind). That spare bedroom is also occasionally being used by Adam so he can muster up a couple more hours of decent sleep in the morning after Atticus sneaks in our bed (Well technically I sneak him in the bed but still if only I could clock off with an couple extra of hours). I've started online summer school which has probably escalated the post partum hair loss situation- not sure why I thought I could do 3 months worth of uni work in 4 weeks with a 6 month in my 24/7 care... even if he was baby sat I probs still wouldn't get anything done because I have to face the fact that I feel like my brain is mush now and this Sydney heat is definately not helping one bit. Someday's I'm so guilty of wanting to flick through my phone just a few minutes more rather than playing with my innocent mummy needing son. My new hair style is not just the ordinary mum bun its a deadlocked mum bun (with the scarce amount of hair that's left anyway). The past couple of days I have kind of been getting by in my underwear in hopes to save the washing pile from getting any bigger. Dinner is on the table pretty late these days and I dont even know why especially when there is both of us home to make it. These days I literally cant remember the one thing I needed when i'm at the shops. I've started to accept almost 6 months later that this constant hangover feeling is an every day thing. I also experience the spectrum of emotions on an hourly basis. Some days I feel like im being held hostage by a 7 something kg and a 60 something cm mini person and the minutes feel like hours.. this is when the delirium kicks in and you start to get all frustrated and start feeling deflated and you begin to wish time away but then there are some days when they smile or do something completely new and you think shit someone needs to take the batteries out of the clock. Someday's you drown in the 'to do's'. I've woken up two days this week completely confused as to what day it is. There are some days that motherhood can make you feel alone, sure you have a constant side kick and your always so busy playing, feeding, nappy changing, cleaning... but there are alot of days that being held hostage in your own house leaves you seething especially during a rough wonder weeks leap (dreaded by every mum out there).There are alot of days where Adult conversation doesn't exist, these are the days the baby attention seeking "mmmmmm" sounds burns holes in your brain. Those are the days you literally feel like your loosing your shit and you need a year long baby less holiday <<< funny that because before I had Atticus I used to think how could mums say that?, they cant love their child that much if they want to be without them.. So let me clarify.. while the thought of a one year baby less holiday seems wonderful I actually dont want to spent less than a second without him and I probably couldnt because mum guilt is a very powerful feeling. Lets be realistic also-I'm not sure how many mums use their babies nap time as 'me time' I definately dont.. I use that time to fist pump in the pitch black while I watch my child sleep or.... clean the house. I understand that to a baby less person motherhood may seem tedious and very boring, heck your probably whipping those condoms on faster then lightening or overdosing on the pill after the description I just gave but trust me it is far from boring. It is bloody hard work. It is an all consuming role. It definately can suck the absolute life out of you and your boobs. It is thankless. It's not all butterflies and rainbows. but you know what ? the sleepless nights, the shit covered doona covers, the constant loads of washing, the loneliness, the incredibly lonnng days, the lack of freedom, the constant headache you get from all the musical toys playing all day could never make me rethink having a baby or even adding a couple of more to the mix (only childbirth could do that) because mixed in with it all is an abundance of butterflies and rainbows. 8/1/2017 0 Comments quiet nightWe don't usually go out at night time these days because Atti goes to bed at 7pm and there is no way in hell we would willingly disturb that so unless we have a baby sitter or are out of our right mind and want to take the risk of dealing with an over tired crazy baby we usually spend our weekends at home and order in. On Saturday we planned to have a cute little afternoon picnic on a secluded little dock in our area but 7pm came round faster then we could of imagined, it was already Atticus' bedtime and we were smashed from too much sun during the day so we settled for Netflix and chill... the PG version. We managed to watch a full movie together 🙌🏽 while trying to enjoy the expensive soft cheeses Adam bought that really just tasted like the smell of old feet 😷. We both overdosed on ice magic and chocolate ice cream and spent the remainder of the night playing the 'never have I ever' game (non alcoholic version) in an attempt to discover things about each other we didn't already know but let's be real, we know each other way to well for that game to have any success or new discoveries. So we spent the remainder of the night literally talking each other's ears off. We reminisced on individual childhood memories- Adams are hilarious- he once wrote to the WWE recruiting manager asking how to become a wrestler, he also wrote to a gorilla in an American zoo and promised it a visit, he also persuaded his friend to sell their belongings on eBay and give him half the profit 😂.... We reminisced on our shared teenage memories like how we never owned phones like iPhones so we never had the distractions that we have today and how after spending the whole day together we both couldn't wait to MSN each other as soon as we got home, how we used to speak over the home phone, how we used to go for walks so late at night and lay on the beach for hours and we laughed over our rebellious teenage acts, we reminisced over the ups and downs over the last almost 7.5 years together, we spoke about our current ambitions and hopes, we confessed little secrets... well I confessed a couple like how I ate the donut that I bought for him as a treat the day before because I was stressed and then how I hid the paper bag under the couch cause what man is ever gonna look there 🙄, he told me what he prayed about for me which was sweet, we chatted about our dream travel destinations and the family we will grow... the list goes on and before we knew it it was 1am and we we had skipped dinner. I know 1am isn't that late for those babyless peeps but most mumma and daddies would be lucky to make it to 10pm on a weekend night. So being awake at 1am in beautiful sober conversation with your husband instead of stumbling around the house sleep drunk feeding a baby was pure magic. Sure there were a few yawns but we had just unintentionally spent the last few hours actually talking, flirting and dreaming together which I can't remember the last time we did that. Yes we engage in conversation everyday but most of that conversation is brief and lacks depth. Last night there was not one distraction. Everything was still, no baby, no phones, no stress, no where to be and no task to be done. It was a quiet night but at the same time it felt very lively. It was literally my dream Saturday night and something to make a note of. 1/1/2017 0 Comments new years resolutionsWe Just spent the last day of 2016 in the most perfect way, nestled up on a headland with the most amazing view of The Northern beaches, we ate cheese, olives and dip, Atticus drank milk and eyed off the salami. Adam started a New years eve tradition of making those iced arrowroot biscuits decorated with lolly snakes and m&m's. We ordered pizza for dinner and sat on the headland watching the sun set while we patiently waited for the 9pm fireworks. Atti stayed up with us to watch the sky light up and I have never seen anything sweeter than his little face watch in amazement. Now its time to make those New years resolutions. Last year I didn't have any, I had too much going on at the start of 2016 that I didn't even realise the year ticking over but 2016 ended up being a brilliant year for myself- it was the year I became a wife and mumma and the year I ended up actually learning to take a step back and to go with the flow, A year that couldn't have turned out any better even despite the lows. My new years resolution for 2015 was to read as many books as I could which was a nice but also unforsaken goal. I feel like the idea of New Years Resolutions loose their spark as early as the 2nd day of the new year when the fireworks of a fresh start fizzle out and we actually get real with ourselves and remember we actually gotta do life, our motivation then starts to dwindle and our plates start piling up with either food or the shit we gotta do to make it to the next new year which is kinda what it's been like over here since we finished school in 2013 (We literally haven't stopped). Statistics actually show that only 8% of people in 2016 actually achieved their New years goal which I dont actually find shocking to know. New Years resolutions basically just get recycled in hopes that maybe one year they might be achieved (Adam the sweet dedicated little perseverer he is starts his NY resolution again every month). Personally, I'm not really the greatest long term goal setter myself, It's easier for me to stay on track by focusing on daily goals with the possible successful stretch to a monthly outlook. However resolutions or not 2017 is looking pretty good by itself and like I said in a previous post last year (2016) defiantly set the bench mark for years to come. In 4 days I am attempting to chisel off on my degree again (Wish me luck). Adam will start his Builders course. In 16 days Adam and I will celebrate our one year wedding Anniversary (We have no plans as of yet but that will probably be figured out on the day). Adam's promotion he got at the end of last year will be in full swing and he has got some promising side jobs with the little business he created 'Lummy & Co Carpentry' (He busts his ass for our little family and is the hardest worker ever, gosh I love him). In Feb we get to see the 2nd Fifty Shades movie which we have been waiting a very long time for. In March we are tackling Cairns for a family trip- Doing the Great Barrier Reef and Atticus' first plane trip. Along side this we are looking forward to many many more low key family trips because we just bought a huge 4WD family car with a roof top tent. In April its Atti's first Easter and we will be welcoming a new little cousin for Atti. Something is bound to happen in May. In June I will be feeling 22 and Atti will be gaining another cousin. In July Adam will be feeling 22 and ATTICUS TURNS 1!!!. In August Adam and I will celebrate our 8 year Anniversary (Holy moly that sounds so long). September we maybe planning an overseas trip. October, November, December (Something will happen, probs more weekend trips, more chiseling off my degree if I can keep up and we may also be blessed with another little lummy....) We literally haven't stopped since we both finished school when our lives started to become busy busy busy and we actually had to start adulting and I have no reason to believe that this year will be any less busy but in saying that I hope it is a little quieter so we can enjoy lots of time as a family. Overall with this year in general I want to build off last year, I want to be able to smash out my last year of study, I want to break out of the Northern beaches bubble and go on camping trips on the weekends, I want to replenish the savings account, finish reading every single Jodi Picoult book in existence, soak up every single bit of precious time with my little man and big man, make more time for myself, I hope to stay healthy...I should probably drink more water and I want to continue making new friends and finally meet this one mumma that is freakishly my doppelganger that I met on Instagram. I also hope that 2017 brings peace to every inch of the earth, that people find intense felicity and that that 8% of people succeeding at their goals multiplies. |