28/1/2017 0 Comments HAPPY HALF BIRTHDAY6 MONTHS YOUNG When I found out I was pregnant I hoped it would be a boy plus everything in me believed I was carrying a baby boy. I couldnt see myself as a first time mum with a daughter, I’m not sure why I just couldn’t. At our 12 week scan we asked the sonographer if she could tell the gender even though it was too early to really be 100%. She told us she was pretty sure we were having a boy but not to hold her to it until we had our 20 week scan. I didn’t need it to be reconfirmed at 20 weeks everything in me already told me that I had my Atti. Adam and I have had our baby names picked out since we were about 16 years old and overtime we erased some from the list and added some- Atticus was not on the list. It was on our honey moon in LA when I was 13 weeks pregnant and still not actually 100% sure that I was having a boy that I started to call our baby Atti. Adam didn’t like it and had to keep telling me to stop getting my hopes up in case ‘he’ was actually a ‘she’. It wasnt until we came home and I made him watch the black and white movie ‘To Kill a Mockingbird’ that the name Atticus grew on him and that yes our baby was confirmed a boy. All the above may seem irrelevant to my ‘Happy half birthday’ post but for me knowing the gender and the name of my baby before he was earth side was incredibly momentous to me as it was those two things that helped me build the connection that I have with my son today. Atticus is now 6 months old, which to some may also not seem so significant but is very significant to me. So many profound things have happened since Atticus came into the world. The 28th of July 2016 is the day where I finally felt at peace with my life, not actually during labour that was the most far from a peaceful experience I’ve ever had but approximately 10.42pm the minute after he was born I felt overcome with utter peace. 6 months of pregnancy is actually equivalent to 456 years, 6 months of Atticus earth side feels like 1 week and it has gone so dam quickly. Oh baby boy, The night that you graced us with your presence was an awakening. An awakening of intense emotion and feelings. I have never felt pain and fear as intensely as I did that night bringing you into this world, that experience challenged me to my core but I have never felt love as deeply as I have when I first laid eyes on you and then on your dad. I was awakened with appreciation for my mum who witnessed your birth as I have no idea how she gave birth 5 times and I had no idea how much she loved me and my siblings until I had you in my arms. I was awakened with gratitude with your perfect health and my perfect health and not one complication. I was awakened with a new perception of the world around me and thankfulness. I was awakened with purpose and I was awakened with new confidence and sensitivity. That night divine light gushed into my life and my heart fully blossomed. Even though there are those days where I feel like I am barely functioning on a whole I am more alive then I ever have been, I feel more connected than I ever have and I have been transformed with intuition. Becoming your mum has started me on a purposeful life journey of selfless devotion and everyday I am enriched with the miracle of life when I look at you. Over the past six months I have felt you grow in my arms, getting heavy quickly, no longer can I smoothly bundle you up for cuddles without limbs flying everywhere and lots of squirming and no longer will you fall asleep when nestled up on my chest, no longer are my days quiet and slow and no longer can I peacefully breastfeed you without you being distracted or you biting me. Every stage has had its challenges and some days are just too much and I feel drained, these days it’s not as easy as comfort feeding you or embracing you tightly to soothe you- your personality is coming through, your learning and taking so much in everyday that I understand it can be frustrating when I don’t get it right so quickly anymore. I still watch you when you sleep risking you waking up just so I can watch your content little face rest so quietly and peacefully and watch your perfect little lips suck instinctively as if you were still attached to me and I love sneaking you back into our bed in the morning so I can be graced with your big smile as soon as I open my eyes. You are becoming your own little person, with you im learning your likes, dislikes and new ways of communicating. Some days you got me going crazy trying to figure it all out. Your not as chilled out as I thought you would be, you can have a temper of a toddler and someday’s you are just one wild child making berserk loud noises and squeals and having everyone in the shopping center wondering what little rascal that noise is coming from- you are definately larger than life baby boy. You love company and being around people even if its just for you to observe them with your serious face or for you to talk their ears off and pull at their faces or hair, you are obsessed with your Daddy and after a whole day with me there is nothing more exciting for you then seeing him walk through the door, you would much rather be held then be in your pram because the view from our arms is always much better but even so you still demonstrate your independence as now you prefer to feed yourself rather than be spoon-fed, you are becoming a handful when we go out to cafes constantly trying to grab food and at one point had dad wearing my carrot juice. I have a love hate relationship with how quickly you have grown and developed. These days you roll all over the house, you are trying to crawl, you look when we call your name, you sit up, you give us high fives and are learning to clap (Well when I clap you slap your leg as if to clap but you haven’t figured out it requires two hands), you watch where I put things that I confiscate from your grasp and continue to sought out for it, I watch you discover your own cause and affect and marvel over how an object has two different sides, I have heard your sweet little voice cry mama and babble dada, you have such an inquisitive and curious soul with a love of being outside and you most definately are a boy of the the ocean. Another thing that I am feeling so fortunate about is making it to 6 months of breastfeeding you, you will never understand the physicality of such a task but it isn’t an easy one. Not that you would particularly want to know but our initial stages of breastfeeding was filled with pain, it hurt so bad but I stuck it through to see your legs and arms form those oh so cute chubby rolls and for that extra connection it promised and delivered. The demands of breastfeeding meant that some of my only chances of ‘me time’ had to be passed off , it also meant attachment on a whole other level- it was those quiet breastfeeding moments that I was reminded how much you needed me and relied on me not just for nourishment but for a comfort that nothing or no one else could provide for you. Now we are going through different challenges and hurdles you like to bite with you teeth less gums that have me dreading teeth, the busy body in you also gets very distracted and must know whats going on around you making a successful full feed very hard to accomplish and as much as I have loved our breastfeeding journey, challenges and all I would really love it if you went back to taking the bottle without the battle. The last 6 months hasn’t been plain sailing but without a doubt it has been the most amazing 6 months of our lives. We are so honored to have you, you have definately transformed and changed our lives forever but what a wonderful one you have created for us. Happy Half Birthday Atticus.
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