I am happy and open and grateful and lucky but I have also been closed and unlucky and bitter and resentful. I have in no way had an easy ride in life and a lot of people I know may not even know this. My childhood was far from regular and I experienced some unimaginable things which resulted in me growing up way too quickly. At this stage in my life I dont feel all those negative things towards my experiences, I just feel an incredible amount of gratitude for everything that has lead me to the path in life I am on today considering I have had the cards stacked against me and I could of instead been travelling on a dark road. I dont need to expose my experiences here but I will because I feel no shame and because I know that sharing parts of my story and experiences to people over the years has also helped them. Just a pre-warning that my story may cause some triggers.
My parents were on and off for the first few years of my life, my dad is an alcoholic. He is a good person, had a good and steady job, loves his kids and loved my mum but for those who dont know it alcoholism is a disease and it can have devastating outcomes for not only every aspect of the alcoholics life but also for every thing that's close to them. I have always loved my dad, not the person he is when he is drunk but the person underneath it all who would teach me all about the different native plants and animals, take us on surprise sunrise trips, random truck and car shows, he was too much of a softy to ever discipline us and he never failed to buy us our favourite chocolate at the store. But because of my dad I also grew familiar with the feeling of shame and embarrassment. Have you ever walked so far away from the school so that when your dad comes to pick you up no one you know sees him? Did you ever have to memorise at 8 years old 2kms worth of directions home (which were sometimes at night) so that you could try and safely walk your drunk dad and little brother back home? Have you ever had to actually be a grown up at 8+ years old when your in a grown ups care ? and have you ever had to be the one repetitively sitting by your dad while hes in the hospital/ICU for another alcohol related injury or disease related scare? I have. It was only since starting my degree, learning alot about myself, meeting others of similar experiences and gaining knowledge about the topic of alcohol and other drugs that I have let go of alot of those feelings of shame towards him and instead gathered alot of knowledge, information and built up my understanding. Ever heard of an Adult child of an alcoholic? I never had until earlier this year and I am one. As a child of an alcoholic alot of kids environments are unreliable, some children are not allowed to express themselves, confide in others and usually live in secrecy, children like myself feel shame and unworthiness, they adopt survival behaviours and like me take on family roles. I was the hero child. They also like me struggle with issues like the need for control. All of which can have long term effects on you and the choices you make as an adult. At around the same age I was first sexually abused by a trusted family member which from my vague memory of it occurred for about a year. I kept it a secret for 2 years before I told my Mum not out of shame but because I felt a need to protect my family which is something I cant even explain. At 11 years old I was now having to understand some legal stuff like what a restraining order meant and what my rights were, I had to make statements which meant I had to relive my experience over again and I had to attend recorded interviews where they would treat me like a 5 year old by giving me a colouring book to distract me while they tried to squeeze out what had occurred to me for the thousandth time. I may have looked like a scared, lost 11 year old crying her eyes out and refusing to colour in the Bratz doll colouring book but what they didn't know was that I was a kid stuck in a grown up's world, I understood alot more than they would think and I in some ways was alot older than 11 years old. Yes sometimes I was that lost and scared kid but for me telling it once was enough to set me free and start to heal and at 11 years old I made the choice to not go through the courts. Some people may not understand why I didn't but I knew he would never offend again and I already felt like it was over and that it would be unnecessary for me to put myself through it all again. I have always been open about my experience and have never felt shame from it like I did by having an alcoholic dad, I also don't know why this was. At such a young age I began to understand the unfortunate truth about how common child sexual abuse is and how many kids keep there experiences hidden and I knew all too well the things they would feel. I'm writing this because I have had people ask me how I have managed to live and lead a happy life after everything? and that they wish that one day they will defy the odds and achieve everything I now have and all this breaks my heart. I guess I was lucky from my not so lucky experience. I have never experienced the darkest of dark that most people with similar experiences as mine do. Amazingly I have never suffered from depression or other serious mental health illnesses, never depended on drugs or alcohol, never had relationship problems... etc. But I do know what holding onto hate, sadness, the need for control and having anxiety and panic attacks feels like, I also know what it feels like to be deprived of your childhood, to live in shame and to sometimes feel alone and misunderstood. It breaks my heart and makes me feel guilty that people still suffer years and years later and that it affects every choice they make, that they still feel shame, they still boil with hate, that they wish their life away and that they suffer from a handful of mental health issues that seem like they wont disappear. I can't really pin point one thing that has guided me through everything but I believe being open, accepting and learning to let go of the shame and hate made me feel so much lighter emotionally and mentally. I also dont really dwell on the past. So learning to let go was done for myself and not for the other person, I dont seek revenge and I dont hate him, I simply feel nothing towards him. This is all easier said than done and I know that too it has taken many many years but with a willingness. I have always been willing to voice my experiences to shed a bit of light where I can which I think has also helped and I have always tried to make sure my negative childhood experiences didn't dictate my adulthood. I have also had some pretty amazing voices in my life including my mum, my siblings and Adam who have all pulled me through someway or another. You may read this and think holy shit or you may read this and think that you had it worse and that's not the point. My point is I know there are so many and too many people out there that experience the unthinkable. I also know that a voice is one of the most powerful and life changing things in the world. I dont mind sharing my voice with people if it means they see things a little lighter but I also want people to know nothing is as perfect as it seems and that I too come with some baggage from my experiences. I still occasionally have anxiety attacks, have bubbles of anger that can surface and I still struggle with a need of control in some aspects of my life but I have learnt to recognise these feelings and to try and reflect and understand where they came from instead of ignoring them. Sometimes I reflect by blogging and writing and other times I sit on the floor of my shower for as long as I need. My experiences have lead me to the person I am today and I have used that as my strength, my experiences make me so grateful for all the good, my experiences have lead me to want to help and be there for others.I try and be as positive as I can be and I may look like I have it all together but I am still learning, growing, healing and working on myself everyday.
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17/10/2016 0 Comments Limitless DreamsI think alot, I read alot, I talk alot, I ask alot, I change my mind alot and I dream alot . The other night I was in the shower and I did all this in around 10 mins. I sat there on the floor of my shower in complete peace and quiet by myself and thought about where I am heading, what dreams and goals I have and also the ones I share with Adam, I thought about my relationship, my friendships and my family, how dam lucky I am and how much our lives are changing with each passing year. A bit of a random story but still relative in the way of words… during all this thinking I was also simultaneously reading how I will always have my hair on my side with Sunsilks “hydrating and refreshing” conditioner, how “enriching” my Cranberry Bliss body wash is and I was getting carried away with how “Calming, pure and gentle” my sons baby wash sounded. All these words have huge selling points for me and ‘fun fact’ I have always been a bit obsessed with reading the ‘about me’ bit of a product and I confess I read them repetitively. They are worded to make you feel exactly the way they portray it on the bottles. Hydrated, refreshed, enriched, calm, pure and gentle. Which was just a dream within itself considering the week I have just had. With all of my ‘a lots’ I usually go straight to Adam and bombard him with all my days thoughts. I information overload him with the things that I have read. I ask him questions non stop and I sometimes pester and try and squeeze him for advice only to not listen and to then change my mind. I also release all of my crazy ideas, aspirations and action plans onto him. I know when you have worked a 12 hour day, sometimes 7 days in a row the last thing you want is to be bombarded by your wife within a second of taking your work boots off. I do know this, so for future occurrences because I probably wont stop I just want to say sorry in advance for the daily doses of extra exhaustion and that unfortunately you have to deal with it because when I try and tell Atticus he screams in my ear or replies in a language that’s on my bucket list to learn…..Anyway, this time I didn’t need Adam to bounce off- I had the perfect tranquil environment of the imaginary waterfall I was sitting under and the self indulging words I was reading. Its amazing what 10 minutes of time to yourself does these days, no distractions, no one elses life in little squares interesting you and no baby to attend to which is all you need to eliminate when you want to have time to yourself to think, question, talk and dream. I pondered over recent conversations, I created some eye roll worthy imaginary scenario’s and I went over my personal goals and the dreams Adam and I have together. I am a ‘what if’ girl so I do weigh all the ‘what if’s’ and question myself on how on earth we are gonna make it all happen. I love a good dream and so does Adam (he is the ultimate dreamer) we have a word that we live by in our life and its “Limitless” (he has it tattooed on him for a lifetime reminder) but sometimes its hard to envision and believe that we are “limitless” and that a dream is anything more than a figment of your high spirits at the time. Currently we are saving for an investment property with a timeline of hopefully achieving this in roughly 2 years. That’s our dream. The what if’s and questions I ask are- Will I be able to finish studying and land a job so that I can help save? What will we have to sacrifice and am I ready for that sacrifice? How much harder will it be if we add another baby to the mix like we plan? and How are we ever going to afford a home when all you hear on the news is the rise in property prices and the fact that the chances of our generation and the future generations owning their own home is next to no chance at all?. I have never been a girl who focused on wealth or luxury goods- obtaining either has never been a primary goal or dream for me. I couldn’t care less about brands, car models, designer stuff or making lots of money. Our dream of an investment property and owning our own home is solely because we want to enrich ourselves and our future with a family that we can comfortably provide for. So I self confess that I can be the Queen of doubt and hesitation and I know it isn’t a good thing when it comes to dreaming big. Adam the King of certainty is the opposite. I let the words of the world over take me sometimes especially when something seems too hard or too scary to achieve alongside everything else so I hesitate and retreat. I have done this alot in the past and am slowly learning to lessen the amount I restrict myself now which writing so publicly and having Atticus has helped with. 6 months ago I was drawing a mind map of my dreams and goals and sticking it in my wardrobe for me to see and work on everyday. To have more confidence and to be more open and understanding with myself was one of those goals and so I started a blog for myself as a way to self-reflect. It took 8 weeks to work up the courage and confidence to post it publicly which was not to gain the attention of others but purely because this was a step in the right direction in regards to my personal goal. When I write I dont write BS, I dont water anything down and I dont leave anything out because I’m not writing for you, I am writing for me but who knows something I might say might inspire, help or resonate with you and if it does that’s exciting and empowering especially when I get that little message from someone reaching out. You wouldn’t imagine the amount of times I hesitated and felt sick to my stomach when I would publicly share my experiences and thoughts. I made myself think that I was a loser to think people would actually want to read any of this. In the past I have been pretty badly bullied so I’m sure my past experiences also led to my feelings of inadequacy and my desire to not draw any attention to myself but yet I took a leap of faith and did it anyway. During my shower I reflected on how much this blog has helped me with my confidence, how much its allowed me to stay pure and gentle with myself and made me realise how refreshed I feel after I write something. For over 7 years I have been living a dream with Adam. I cant even begin to describe the amount of things we have ticked off our lists that are both big and small and the amount we still have left to tick off. Alot of it didn’t come easy and it did take alot of hard work and patience to achieve. I know I dote on Adam a lot too and its not a bad thing. I believe you should find yourself someone you can love unconditionally, admire and share dreams with. He empowers and encourages me to grow my thoughts, my love, my visions, to aim for things out of reach, to think outside of the box, to make an impact, to inspire, he makes me feel like I am more than capable and encourages me to be the better version of myself everyday. He reminds me everyday that we are limitless and that is all I need for a reassurance boost to keep chasing. It’s those moments to myself that I am able to delve deep into all the possibilities and dreams that we can make happen if we work hard enough. Daily I try and wash away all of the what if’s, build up my confidence and am grateful and proud of myself and how much we have already achieved. I definitely wouldn’t have the courage to let my mind wander and my heart and horizons to broaden if I didn’t have people like Adam, my family and my friends to encourage me. 9/10/2016 0 Comments THE 24/7 JOB WITH NO SICK DAYSI remember those times during school or when I started working full time that if I didn't feel like going that day I would chuck a cheeky sicky or if I was actually sick I could stay at home and indulge in my cosy bed with no one to bother me, someone to buy me all sick products in the world, I could sleep, finish TV seasons without any interruptions in a day, I got special foods just for me and served to me, sometimes I didn't have to go to the doctor to vanish it quick and could just let it run its course. That dreamy situation was all possible 11 weeks ago and it never occurred to me that it would be nothing more than a dream now.
Atticus is sick, Adam has his 5th cold this year and I have just happened to be blessed with one too. Atticus having his first cold means there is no such thing as sleep even though there is no such thing as sleep with a baby anyway. So there is no such thing as a nighttime nap because the dam virus likes to rank his symptoms up a notch during the night. The poor little guy can hardly breath properly and needs the extra comfort so not only are you wide awake during the night listening for signs that he's getting oxygen through the loud noises of congestion but your also sitting in the steamy bathroom at 3am with your baby trying to decongest his nose and then spending the remainder of the night until the sun comes up with the saline spray and the nasal bulb trying to desperately suck anything but the saline spray back out. Then you have to get up the next day, no decent night time nap, barely squeezing anything bigger than your vitamins in your mouth hoping that it will be enough to get you through the rest of the day and having to deal with a clingy baby. You want to grab a glass of water and pop a panadol peacefully? Forget it ! It's not worth the 2 minutes of screaming because he wants to be picked up and there is no way that pandaol will work quick enough. The worst thing is there is nothing more you can do for a baby this young with a common cold besides from restrain from shaving your hair off like Brittany in 2007 and wait it out. Adam with a cold for the 5th or maybe 6th time this year means your not only attending to your baby but your husband, shouldering both loads. He's got no energy either to help you with the baby plus you don't even want to risk him touching him because what if it makes Atticus worse? So you go ahead juggling everything normal baby, sick baby, house and sick husband. Running on maybe a 1 hour night time nap. Adam can nap if he feels like he really needs it and you know what's even better he can call a sick day and get paid for it. He will help out where he can but again it's not really worth the risk of making Atticus sicker. I can't help but admit it's hard not to get jealous of him sometimes. Me when I am sick means nothing cause I'm now a mum. I don't get the dream situation anymore. I cant reason with Atticus for an extra 20 mins sleep, nope cause he's boss. I can't sit him down with some snacks and tell him to make it last for the next four hours because I am physically his breakfast, recess, brunch, lunch, afternoon tea, dinner, dessert, cheat meal and 55 midnight snacks. I can try and watch a series but this baby gets bored of watching Amy Schumer after one 20 minute episode so there I go changing the scenery up for him every half an hour or so of his awake time to keep him quiet and satisfied. I can't enjoy that toilet break, no such thing as a lunch break, I can't even get dressed in quiet because he's sick and needs me. Yesterday I managed to chuck on a cardigan, no other items of clothing just that cardigan. It deemed suitable and smart considering I was feeding him every minute and I couldn't be bothered putting on another load of spew covered washing. When I get sick I can't throw in the towel and recuperate to my bed for more than two hours let alone a day. You know what's not even the slightest bit funny and is just plain bitchy? The fact that getting sleep helps fight off colds and viruses which in all new mums cases would just be plain impossible. I can't even take my own advice that I gave my hubby and stay away from the baby because you are it's lifeline, he needs you for EVERYTHING. I can't even write to tell you how it physically feels to start to come down with a sickness and have an 11 week old baby to look after because you basically have to pretend that your not even sick and get on with it. He gets fed before I get fed, he gets dressed before I get dressed, he gets preference on what time seems suitable for what activity, he controls how much sleep I get, he tells me where he wants to sleep, he chooses whether he would prefer the dummy or my boob for comfort and he will be the one passing out the bathroom and shower passes. You do all this because you care about someone so much more than yourself and I'm not gonna lie and say I happily do it all the time because I bloody enjoy it.. I would love to say pass and pick and choose what I wanna do when I want to do it but that is just not possible. All this I have realised is what you have to do when you become a mum. You can't take anything you love or enjoy for yourself for granted and you definitely can't take your health for granted because the world no longer stops for you anymore instead your responsible in making sure the world keeps spinning for your baby regardless of whether your lying on your death bed. 9/10/2016 0 Comments MOTHERHOOD, ONE COMPETITIVE SPORTIf your not a parent you probably won't completely understand or relate to this post, to be honest dad's probably won't be able to relate to it. So for all those people yet to have a baby save this one for later, dads you carry on innocently enjoying your bubbas and mummas read along.... Any new mum or mum in general would know exactly what I'm talking about when it comes to the baby/kid competition and the secret rivals mums have going on with other mums where they compare their babies with other babies. This type of thing can start right after birth and can last for a very long time, you probs still hear of mums who brag and compare their grown man son to another's at age 50. I mean seriously, did we not all learn during our pregnancies that we cannot compare ourselves to the next pregnant woman? Well I hate to break it to those mums but you still cannot compare yourself as a mother or your baby to the next. Stop competing, stop giving advice about what you think is right for someone elses baby, stop copying and trying to keep up with your idol mums that you see on IG, with your mumma friends or just any mum really and instead invest your energy in the sweet little person you made and all the ways he or she is perfectly unique.
Someone who hasn't joined the motherhood club yet wouldn't understand these petty little problems. I couldn't have ever imagined that upon entering this club that baby envy, mummy envy and constant comparisons would be a norm. I hate competition whether it be in the form of board games (I hate), sport (I hate) or self comparison (I double hate). The only competitions you will see me involved is the is the one to survive everyday, channel 7's Cash cow/ channel 9's Cash giveaway, the odd raffle ticket or most likely some sort of general knowledge comp with my younger brother. Jealousy in any form is a bitch, its a natural feeling but it's an ugly one and it simply is an indication of insecurity. Verbal judgements made by mothers about other mothers or their babies and the sly competitions that your poor babies unknowingly enter are futile and ridiculous (think what you want to think but just don't have the guts to say it). In 10 weeks I have learnt that mothers cop so much shit whether it be because you formula feed instead of breastfeed, how long you choose to breastfeed for, whether you co-sleep or not, you have other mothers who have an opinion because apparently you feed your breastfed baby too much 🙄, the topic on whether or not you immunise your baby is always up for scrutiny, you are asked why you dont have a sleep routine for your newborn- really? 😴, some mums have an opinion on how you birthed and whether you took pain relief or not, you get the raised eyebrows because you picked your baby up at the first sound of a cry or because you dont pick them up, because you dont swaddle or because you dont use organic ass cream 😵. Mums are also the biggest culprits at making other mums feel guilty and as if we dont feel guilty enough. Apparently because your child has a complete leg kicking meltdown in the middle of a shop means you dont discipline your child correctly , apparently you are a neglectful mum because you would prefer to stuff that forbidden dummy back into your babies mouth or plop them in front of the TV when they wont stop whinging so you can either crack out any form of alcohol or the block of chocolate in hopes you will either blackout or go into a food coma and wake up to a fresh new day and a kid whose not driving you stir crazy, you feel solely responsible if your baby is colic, has gas and a sore tummy, you feel hopeless and like a failure when your little one gets sick and apparently we should feel guilty for calling a mummy and daddy quits for a night while you pass on your baby to the grandparents overnight because why on earth did you have a baby if you dream about a night away from them? I've been that kid-less person before I had Atticus who made judgments on other mums and I'm sure I am guilty of making some in the last 10 weeks which I would keep to myself because I have no right in voicing my opinion on another mothers way and yup I feel so guilty afterwards because I know every good mum is doing the best they can It has been the past couple of weeks where I have sensed and picked up on other mums sly competition and their desire to compare their baby to mine and there have been a few instances that have just ticked me off where I have had various mums commenting on my decisions or just simply making a face at something I have told them. Mumma's stop comparing and wishing that your ratbag of a child, the one that chucks tantrums 24/7 was the angelic little child that just radiates with laughter and smiles. Every kid has their own personalities so embrace it! and just to ease your mind and for the record I apparently was the hardest baby to raise out of the 5 and have been told by others that I was referred to as 'The Devil child'- I hated wearing clothes let alone a nappy, you could never get a dummy out of my mouth, I had a constant attitude and I death stared everyone and was just plain rude to people, I would bite people and I apparently chucked tantrums like you wouldn't believe. This im sure was amongst many other misbehavior's and guess what, I turned out perfectly happy, normal and without a criminal record plus my mum did dare to have another one after already having 4 so i'm sure you can all handle it. Just hope for the best. Continuing..... stop comparing and bragging about how well your child sleeps- trust me those sleepless mummas and daddy's dont want that rubbed in. I also dont know why but we seem to get competitive and compare how big our babies poo explosions are-instead lets just clean that shit up, dont compare your babies size or weight to another it just doesn't make sense every babies development is relative-they are two complete different beings with two different genetic makeups with two different eating habits. Milestones, dont get me started yep I guess they are exciting but somewhat dreaded by parents too- Cool, your baby started teething early!- Personally I would love to delay that one as much as possible for the sake of my nipples and sanity, your baby has already started rolling over, crawling or walking? Gosh dont get too excited your gonna be wishing for an extra set of eyes and hands, what about when they start to talk and they learn the word "No". Will you be all smug and thrilled and brag about that one too when you tell your child to stop touching things at the shops and they say no?. There are going to be so many times throughout parenthood where our babies will make us so proud and you will just want to share it with others, that's completely normal go right ahead ! but most of this competitive behaviour is done so out of jealousy so dont do it in a self-righteous or pretentious way to make another mother/parent feel like their lacking. I dont know why but some mothers feel as though they are experts and have a right to express their opinions on the choices you make as a mother or father and the way you raise your child. Being a mum for 10 weeks let alone 70 years doesn't even make you an expert and therefore ones opinion on what is right and wrong is simply invalid unless your that child's parent. I have never come across a dad doing anything like this as most dads I assume would care more about whether or not their Mrs nipples are exposed to a perverts wandering eye when publicly breastfeeding and I especially dont think they would give two flying F's if you formula fed your babies over breastfeeding, they would care more about the fact that a fed baby is a happy baby and are more likely to go to sleep on a full tum tum which means mummy and daddy time will less likely be disturbed. On another note we all have our mumma idols who we want to be like and who we are inspired by. Personally my mumma idol is my own mum and Adams mum. They both kicked ass raising 5 kiddies, they inspire me, they encourage me, their always there with open arms and they know when advice is needed and when to hold off. Yours could be your own mum, an insta mum, a mumma friend or a celebrity mumma- who knows. As much as my own inspire me I still stick to my own guns. I think its important to be inspired but not to follow or copy another mums pathway and to lead your own family with your own style of parenting, your own stories, to trust your own insticts, your own ideas, to think with your own head and to embrace your own style of mumma or papa. Motherhood/Fatherhood is about uniting, its a vocation of unconditional love, responsibility, unparalleled happiness, sacrifices, its about finding your strengths and recognising your weaknesses, endlessly learning, being humble, being nurturing to your children, being empathic towards other parents when they have hit a wall and accepting and understanding every other parents struggles. It's not about judgement of choices, it shouldn't be driven by envy and yeh I know we are all biased when it comes to our little ones but it definitely shouldn't become competitive. Let them be little or big in their own ways. If I had written down all the things that we have done that are just plain awkward, humorous and embarrassing since having Atticus we would definitely have a novel series happening titled ‘Chronicles of a sleep deprived Mummy and Daddy’. Today I happened to brush my teeth with conditioner which is something I would have blamed on baby brain during pregnancy when I was also loading a loaf banana bread in the dishwasher but nope I dont think I can blame crazy pregnancy hormones this time. The antics caused by sleep deprivation are real. If you didn’t already know a baby requires care 24/7, so there is no chance you are going to get a lovely 8 hour sleep. Some nights you will be lucky with 30 mins and you would be fist pumping if you got 4 hours. Primarily due to this, I can barely string a proper sentence together most of the time let alone use even the correct words, my short term memory is non existent and I’m just so glad I’m not the only one suffering because Adam also has his fair share of foolish and amusing behaviour caused by lack of sleep. I thought I should document some of the crazy things we have done because I would rather laugh and see the humor during this phase of parenthood then to cry, wish it away and beg for sleep. Story #1 is number 1 The other day we were at the mall food court and had just finished eating, on our way out I caught someone waving at me from the corner of my eye who then signaled for us to come over. It did not take long for my brain to do some sort of face recognition and I so happily and willingly headed over to the 60ish year old man who was sitting by himself eating his meal while Adam pushed Atticus behind me. This was an old friends dad who I hadn’t seen in years or so I thought. I so confidently and excitedly went straight up to his table and started a conversation with him. The usual things were discussed like how each of us was going to which we both replied that we were going well, I went on to ask him how his daughter was, using her name… he said that she was doing well too. This was great, he was such a lovely man and he knew Adam and I when we first started dating so I never thought to introduce Adam because duh Adam knows who i’m talking to or so I thought. I told him that he had changed so much since I had last seen him and that he was looking different but yet still the same to which he looked a little confused about but carried on anyway. He then started to look at Atticus who was staring back at him with his big blue eyes and the man looked like he was waiting for an introduction, at this point he was waving at Atti and leaning into the pram touching little Atti’s hand and getting a better look at him so I excitedly introduced our son to him and told him that we had him 9 weeks ago. He seemed so interested and congratulated us. The conversation was flowing but it was time to get the rest of our shopping done so I said that it was nice seeing him again and that we better get going. He then put out his hand to shake Adams and said “Its nice to meet you, I’am Fred” Adam returned the gesture with introducing himself. This is where I couldn’t tell you what the big F just happened and I was so confused that I grabbed the pram and hurried off in hysterics and utter confusion. Adam had no idea what was going on and had to tell me to stop laughing so loudly as we were only about 3 meters away from him, through hysteric laughter and the realisation as to what just had happened I broke the news to Adam that I had no idea who the man that I just so confidently and happily had a conversation with was. Adam told me that the whole time he was standing next to me whilst I was in conversation he was trying to figure out who the hell I was talking to and came to the conclusion that it must be one of my uncles he had never met. When I told him who I thought it was he was so confused as to how I thought it could have possibly been him as they look nothing alike. Right now I honestly still couldn’t tell you what went wrong. Was he waving to a person behind me and instead I just went straight up to him and started a convo to which he went along with?, did he think I was someone else and realise up close I wasnt who he thought I was?, he never corrected me when I asked about my old friend- I dont even know if he has a daughter and now his confused look on his face when I told him he had changed makes sense because I have never seen this man before in my life. Adam felt sick at the thought that he was so interested in our son and was cooing back at him. I cant help but laugh every time I think about my innocent sleep deprived mistake. Although this one is by far the best yet there are also lots of little occurrences….. Story #2 The other day we went grocery shopping and Adam picked out a new body wash. Well what we all thought was body was was actually refillable hand soap which is no wonder our bodies have been feeling rubbery and squeaky. Story #3 This morning Atticus was driving me nuts and wouldn’t stop whinging unless he was in my arms so I was feeling a little claustrophobic and bothered and was in a rush to brush my teeth before he started crying inconsolably. Instead of using toothpaste I ended up using the tube of conditioner that comes in the hair dye packets. Story #4 I have countless times almost drank my expressed milk from Atticus’ bottle with my meal. Adam’s almost done it too. Thank god our brains eventually clicked on every time. Story #5 Atticus is so smiley and happy in the morning so even though we are so tired with our burning eyes we do not want to miss out on those smiles. Adam one morning was indulging in Atti’s little grins and had Atticus doing airplane rides over him completely forgetting the fact that he just fed and had one full tummy. Well that full tummy dispensed right into Adams inviting mouth waking him right up. Story #6 I apparently once got up in the middle of the night out of nowhere and told Adam to go play with Atticus’ hair and that is just some of the nonsense I have come up with. Story #6 A couple of weekends ago we had a family lunch and I had made a beautiful fruit platter to bring. I was so excited to eat it however I had placed the platter on top of the car to put Atticus in his seat and completely forgot about it. We were reminded 2 minutes into the drive when it started raining fruit salad all down the windscreen. # If anyone just noticed that I did two Story #6’s …. that is a living example of my current situation as I just realised what I had done when beginning to write a third #6. I’m going to leave it that way to make another point. Story #7 Couldn’t tell you why I would do this to myself but it has become a habit to hide things from myself when I’m in a sleep deprived state instead of putting the items in the appropriate places. Anyone purposely put their keys in between the couch cushions? I have. Story #8 I seem to forget Atticus’ name alot and call him Leo. My dogs name who doesn’t even live with us anymore. |