24/8/2016 0 Comments 4 weeks in the hood.The fourth trimester Time doesn’t stop for anyone. I cannot believe how fast time feels like it’s going by when you have a baby, probably because I don’t have a perception of what time is let alone what day of the week it is so my mind is completely warped by tiredness and emotions. A little bit about Atticus at 4 weeks old. 4 weeks later and my baby is almost 1 month old and I’m already wondering where my little newborn went, actually every day since he was born I have been wondering that and with everyday that passes I feel like he ages a decade. They change so quickly and right before your eyes. After birth Atti had this sweet newborn smell and Adam and I couldn’t get enough of it constantly having our noses against his head breathing in his sweetness. This smell actually has a scientific purpose of creating a chemical bond between a mother and her child and I would say that it serves the same purpose for a fathers connection with their baby too. 4 weeks later and we can no longer smell that same smell not sure if it’s because we are used to it or because it’s actually gone and instead it has been replaced with his milky breath, stale spit up or the smell of a nappy that needs to be changed. Everyday we feel Atticus getting heavier and longer in our arms, when we got home he was swimming in his newborn clothes so they constantly had to be rolled up, 2 weeks later and he fits them perfectly and I find myself sadly putting away some of the smaller outfits that no longer fit him. Atti is a proper milk junkie, he packs on those pounds faster then ever and instead of loosing weight after birth he had actually started gaining weight quite rapidly *Kudos to my milk supply and as proud of myself as I am for being able to breastfeed efficiently and have a healthy baby that’s packing on the pounds I am actually sad at the fact that just for one moment time couldn’t just stand still, just so I could take in my fresh little newborn just that tiny bit more, smell his first sweet scent for a few more days and enjoy his tiny little features. He is so relaxed, content and peaceful which is a lot like his dad, this is not the only thing he has in common with his dad, they also look almost identical as babies too. I am not kidding when I say Atticus hardly cries at all. I have read articles saying that on average newborns cry for about 2 hours a day, everyday. In four weeks I don’t even think he has accumulated 2 hours worth of crying let alone a whopping 60+hours (Sorry to those mummas that do have a very vocal bub, I promise i’m not trying not to rub it in). He eats a lot! and it’s like clock work, every two hours our little tea cup piggy wakes up for a visit to the boobie trough where he will squeal and snort himself to dreamland or to a nappy change. He also isn’t fussy, at 2 weeks old I started expressing to see if he would take a bottle so I could go have some ‘me time’, he took to that bottle like a champ with no confusion or struggle and the benefits of that also is that I get to clock in some extra sleep throughout the night when Adam feeds him. He certainly is a baby that defy’s the averages. At 1 week old his neck was already pretty strong as he could lift his head from side to side whilst enjoying tummy time, this is a milestone that is usually reached towards the end of the first month but nope here is our little man once again defeating these averages at a week old. He is also one little man that can work up a burp as loud as his dad’s and he farts like a cow (I’m honestly nervous about him farting so loudly in public and people thinking it was me). He is a little stubborn like me and hates it if he’s either being held, in his car capsule or in the Pram and it’s not moving, he literally could be dead asleep and all of a sudden your not moving and he lets out a single squeal and frowns wondering what’s happened and telling us we better get a move on. He is also a big cuddler and loves to be as close to your chest as possible which I am more than happy to embrace at any given time apart from when I haven’t been able to use the bathroom in a number of hours or eat. I also can’t believe how loud newborns are especially when they are sleeping. Atticus will be laying there fast asleep having a little chuckle to himself, cutely whimpering, he will let out a squeal, snort or make sucking noises which is why we gave him the nickname of tea cup piggy. Back to his stubborn side, this little man will wake for no one if he doesn’t want to. At one week old he accompanied us to a 21st birthday dinner, it was not a quiet one and the little man slept through all the birthday shenanigans, this has been tried and tested a few more times and yep he will stay fast asleep but when we want him to stay asleep we have absolutely no luck there. I know I said time feels like it’s going so quickly and it does, I really don’t know where 1 month just went but I do have to admit time can go so slowly too especially when you are stuck under a sleeping baby watching the clock slowly tick by knowing you have cleaning to be done, a shower to be had, a toilet break long awaiting and your stomach grumbling for that breakfast that you know will never have a chance to eat. Another mumma through Instagram advised me to ‘Savor every moment even the ones you think you’ll never miss’ if you are reading this I just want to say: Thank you, I have this in the back of my head any time something doesn’t go to plan, like when we plan on enjoying a nice day out but instead we get stuck spending half the day inside the parents room with me sitting there impatiently breastfeeding and keeping watch of the clock wishing that he would finish before the day ends, because of your words my impatient self is learning to embrace and enjoy the things that I have no control over. A little bit about Parenthood: 4 weeks in. In my experience I feel like pregnancy was harder then looking after a newborn. Sure the couple weeks after birth were a challenge because we were not used to surviving and functioning so sleep deprived and because I was still healing from labour but we have ourselves one pretty chilled out baby who has made it a pretty good welcoming into parenthood….. so far. One thing I laugh at myself for thinking is that I will have so much time on my hands and that I would be bored for most of the day because all newborns do all day is sleep. Well I was a bloody idiot for thinking that and for also not enjoying and taking advantage of my time off at the end of my pregnancy. Yeh newborns sleep a lot but like I said you dont even know where time goes and by the end of the day you are so knackered from doing this keeping baby alive thing that you dont even know how you are going to survive getting through the rest of the night. A piece of advice I would also like to throw out the window is to “sleep when your baby sleeps”. If you have managed to do this in the first month you are basically a superhuman. I have the tiniest little intervals between Atticus’ sleeps and feeds that by the time I try and get myself to sleep its already time to wake up again plus because I am not one to sit down I always find there is so much to do around the house and who doesn’t want to watch and admire their peaceful baby sleeping whilst trying to take 700 photos of them carefully trying to avoid dropping your phone on their head. On another note apart from the sleep deprivation, I am feeling great and have been so surprised with myself at how well I have taken on motherhood. Honestly I haven’t gotten lost in it and let myself be all consumed in everything baby baby baby, yes I am obsessed with him, yes I probably upload too many photos of him and yes my day and life now constantly revolves around him but I have also managed to have time for Adam, for friends, for family and for myself which is even a bigger surprise. I have been given so many compliments on how well I have been coping and so many people including randoms have commented on how much of a natural I am (I’m not really sure if I even know what I’m doing) and there have been comments on how brave I have been to get out and rolling with my newborn as quickly and as young as a week old. These comments actually shocked me because I have got them so often so it actually had me thinking.. Do people not go out and enjoy the sun and fresh air when they have a newborn? I know its hard to leave the house, there are a thousand things to pack in the nappy bag and you cant forget one, you have to prepare yourself hours beforehand and you have to try and play fortune teller and predict when their next feed will be to avoid getting stuck with a hungry unsettled baby in an inconvenient place but I honestly believe and preach that being out and about, enjoying the fresh air, being able to put on some fresh clothes and popping on a bit of makeup was hands down how I was able to avoid the baby blues, increased anxiety, loss of sanity and to heal quickly from labour. Another huge piece of advice that we received at our birthing class that I believe has made this 1 month so smooth for us was not to try and set a routine or have expectations. Personally routine and control is something that I need in my life so I dont feel like a complete mess however this was something I was so happy to follow and I’m so glad I did. Adam and I both went into this role accepting and rolling with whatever the he wants he will get, 24/7 mind frame. I think because we went into it so freely and didn’t follow anything Dr. Google’s had lying around for us we were able to hit the jackpot and not get ourselves overly overwhelmed. I believe Atticus isn’t a crier because we have been able to understand our babies needs from the get go by allowing ourselves to be so open and relaxed, we arnt listening to what people think is the right or wrong way and doing what is right and works for us. 95% of the time we attend to him before he has gotten to the point of having to cry to communicate and through trial and error we have learnt what he likes and dislikes pretty quickly. Having no expectations and to just go with the flow with whatever he wants has made this household alot less stressful, it has made the first month of parenthood alot less overwhelming and alot more welcoming. I feel like I wouldn’t be being honest if I didn’t add that without Adam I probably would still be sitting here shower-less, hungry and semi-naked because who has time for clothes when they need to be washed every 3 seconds. He has been blessed with 5 weeks off with us, so of course along with the no expectations advice and the fresh air he is also the reason why I am still human and alive and the reason why we have so quickly taken to parenthood. I know not every brand spanking new mum has the privilege of having their partners with them 24/7 for 5 weeks and some of you are only gifted with a few days of help from your partners and some of you are super mums and doing it all by yourself and I respect you women so much for having to learn alot of the ropes by yourself but having this 5 weeks with Adam has been so special and such a major life savor. He has taken on fatherhood like a pro, I even think he has changed more nappies then me at this point. I really couldn’t do it without him, we have been so respectful and calm with one another whilst we learn side by side and have worked so well together sharing each and every responsibility and role. I have had company whilst I sit there frustrated and tired cooped up in a parents room restlessly listening to those annoying musical kids shows on repeat and I have had support during those delirious nights and I couldn’t be more thankful. After re-reading this I feel like I have made looking after a newborn a piece of cake, for the past month I have has an extra pair of hands that I could rely on which has been my saving grace. When Adam goes back to work I will probably find myself a complete and utter mess whilst trying to figure everything out again and get through the days by myself plus my days may possibly begin too seem longer. I’m sure after this first month Atticus will switch it up, he will most likely turn into a new person as he grows and learns more and more so I will just continue with going with the flow and taking it as it comes and hoping he will continue to make it easy on me.
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15/8/2016 0 Comments CELEBRATING 7 YEARS OF LOVINA little background info on how we fell in love The other day Adam and I were talking about how we couldn’t believe how far we have come in the 7 years that we have been together and it was during this conversation Adam stated that we owed our relationship to ‘Twilight’…uhmm I beg to differ, we owe it to me as I was basically the initiator… Anyway Those 7 years have flown by pretty quickly and it’s crazy to think about the kids that we were when we first met each other compared to the adults we are today and how much we have changed, stayed the same and how much we have influenced and learnt from one another. Adam and I merely knew each other for more than a month before we became ‘Girlfriend and Boyfriend’. We met back in 2009 at 14 years old through mutual friends and grew quiet interested in one another when we discovered we were both obsessed with ‘Twilight’. Adam did a great impersonation of Edward and I couldn’t help but try and be as boring as Bella. At first I didn’t think Adam was interested in me, he didn’t say much and kind of stuck to himself plus I was told too many times that Adam wasn’t one to have a girlfriend but nonetheless I kept pursuing him with all my might and what would you know, we are now celebrating our 7 year anniversary. Our first hug was during a game of spin the bottle on the beach. The dare was actually meant to be a kiss but fridget little Adam wouldn’t budge so we settled for an incredibly awkward hug. Basically from then I started to go to youth group every Friday night just so that I could see Adam regardless of whether or not he spoke to me. A couple of weeks later and I was a lucky girl to have received a phone call saying that finally Adam wanted to kiss me that night at SG (he was probably peer pressured) but I was so excited and finally after weeks of basically not saying a word to each other Adam and I took our first walk alone together and started the initial conversation of getting to know each other. We spoke about our families and how we both came from families of 5 and how he was already an uncle amongst some other awkward conversation goers until he asked for my number on his tiny flip phone in which he saved my number under the name ‘Bella’- Corny I know but it’s the tiny things that lead us here. We shared our first kiss that night which was also Adams very first kiss in the pitch black on the corner of an oval under a tree across the road from the youth group. After that first kiss our time spent together was either spent kissing or me repetitively being wooed by Adam playing Bella’s lullaby on piano and that initial get to know you conversation, well that didn’t commence for a while… Possibly even months after we even officially stated dating as we were still pretty awkward talkers. If you know us then you would know Adam and I are basically glued at the hip and have been since that first kiss and there is no one else we would rather spend each and every second with but each other. The couple of nights I spent in the hospital after having Atticus was the first time in almost three years that we have spent the night away from each other and leading up to it we couldn’t help but keep saying how weird it would be and how much we didn’t want to be apart so we started gathering up ideas on how and where he could hide in the hospital so he didn’t have to go home without us (He went home)… Once the ball was rolling and our relationship was in full flare Adam didn’t hold off on showing his romantic side and was never afraid to show his sensitive and gentlemanly ways which had me in a daze from the get go. Some called him ‘Edward’ others called him ‘The Notebook’ and how fitting both of those names are. Over the years he has spoiled me so much with helicopter rides, limo rides, surprise getaways and hotel rooms, spa treatments, built us a boat like the one in ‘The Notebook’, organised picnics, horse riding, extravagant dinners and written me poem after poem (which are always my favourite and some are so bloody good that I have had to check that he didn’t get it off the internet and yes I have admitted it to him that I have done that and no none of them are plagiarized). Overall I have myself one amazing human and I have been one spoilt lady but don’t get me wrong as much as I have loved every one of his extravagant surprises, it’s not why I fell in love with him and there is so much more to him then his Edward and Notebook ways. I couldn’t really tell you what infatuated him with myself in the end, I’m definitely not the romantic one but whatever it was it worked cause its 7 years later and we are happily married with our first baby, hoorah! It’s important to add that whilst some would think of us as fairy tale like or the real life Bella and Edward we alike most relationships have had a couple make or break times over the years and we have had our fair share of serious conversations. Sometimes it was me just being a little over dramatic and other times they were actual issues/differences that most relationships would face at some point but in the end we were always able to work through any conflict because we had built the foundations of something that was strong and ultimately from such a young age neither of us could foresee a life without each other which meant no conflict was unsolvable even if it took a little while. Looking back at every conflict we have had over the years I believe that they were constructive and needed to happen. Now it is on a very rare occasion that we have conflict mainly because after 7 years we know the ins and outs of each other, we have learnt to respect and accept each other’s differences instead of trying to change or fix them which usually is the cause of most relationship problems. We do still have little biffs which are pretty petty, for example: Adam committing to vacuuming the floor for three days in a row but never actually accomplishing it and then there are those biffs caused because I am a bit of an impatient person which frustrates Adam. P.S I also may or may not be exaggerating about the 3 days it takes him to vacuum. I’m sure over the course of the rest of our lives we will be faced with more conflict but we will just do what we do best which is agree to disagree… multiple times and then eventually agree to agree. Any of you who have probably read my other blog posts can see how much we have done together and accomplished over 7 years and it seems every year we tick another thing off our bucket list and every year our lives and relationship just gets that much better. A relationship is about togetherness, it’s a lot of hard work, a lot of sacrifice and compromising, it’s a lot of fun, it entails a lot of dreaming, needs a lot of support not just from your partner but also from your friends and family and has to have respect. In celebration of this day and our relationship we decided to take our first trip as a family a couple of hours up North to Newcastle. Adam of course booked only the nicest accommodation with a relaxing spa bath (more relaxing for baby cause that’s how we got him to sleep), a huge bed and organised all of our lovely breaky/dinner reservations. Overall it was an interesting 3 days as we had a 2 and a half week old so obviously we based our day sleeplessly around feeds, baby naps, explosive nappy changes, baby comforting, sitting in the parents room for two hours and cheering for burps. We do have to praise Atticus for his peacefulness on the night of our anniversary as he slept through our whole anniversary dinner where we ate the best food we have ever had with two hands and he gave us a beautiful four hour stretch of sleep and a night of no cries that had us second guessing whether or not we had dreamt it. He then woke up the next day all smiles pretty pleased with himself too. Travelling with a newborn did have its challenges but Adam and I have never laughed so much at each other and we absolutely love doing this parenting thing together and couldn’t have spent our anniversary in anyway better. I’m so blessed and lucky to have met my man 7 years ago, to have become his wife and the mother of his child and to have spent celebrating this amazing day with our own little family making new memories and reminiscing of our old ones. 9/8/2016 0 Comments 12 DAYS POSTPARTUMThis post is about my experience at almost 2 weeks postpartum. This is the time you forget about or dont even realise you have to prepare yourself for because you have been so busy reading up preparing yourself for pregnancy and birth. There is no bed rest once you have a baby, its constantly go go go and for the past 2 weeks I have been hit with that reality. Life after birth so far is hard and there is no break but it is 150% worth it. You would think your body should be in ultimate recovery mode and that you should be treated like a Queen considering you have just survived the most intense and immensely painful experience of delivering life, except here you are expected to be fully functioning to keep your little human alive whilst you feel like death from being deliriously sleep deprived and incredibly sore everywhere.
Birth is a time where most of your dignity goes out the window, at the start you are awkwardly in the most vulnerable state you have ever been in still trying to reserve some of yourself however by the end of it you shamelessly and thoughtlessly waddle around naked, bleeding and leaking with your boobs and everything else hanging out. There is no point trying to be decent now after you have had another women’s hand inside your vagina, your whole bum and vagina that’s turning inside out put on mirror display for everyone in the room to see, your legs hoisted up in the air for 30 minutes of stitches, having 3 tampon sized pain reliefs shoved into your bum and having the whole maternity ward listen to you moan in agony. On a brighter note because of this experience I now also see my body beautifully in a different perspective, I no longer think of my boobs or my vagina in a sexual context. I see them with the purpose of giving and sustaining life; their true and natural purpose. This change of perspective on my own body could have only been empowered by experiencing birth and because of this experience I dont see the awkwardness of these ‘discreet’ parts of my body as I once did. With the topic of normalizing breastfeeding, I can now resonate with the issue of how absurd the issue of public breastfeeding is. In the past week I have understood the struggles of trying to consciously cover up whilst I breastfed Atticus in public and how stressful it is trying to make sure no one saw my boob, not because I feel uncomfortable flopping them out in public but because I’m consciously trying to preserve other peoples comfort which is insane. These feelings of recognition and appreciation also goes for the rest of my body, I grew a human for 10 months, my tiny frame expanded to its full capacity and I’m not gonna lie and say that I wasnt nervous about how my body was going to look after I had given birth but to my surprise and amazement my body has sprung back to as close as its pre-pregnancy state as possible and even though the skin is still a little squishy I honestly absolutely love it a lot more then the tight, tiny bony body I had before and I don’t have any desire to get my old body back. For all those women’s bodies that didn’t ‘spring back’ I just want to reassure you that your bodies are more beautiful than they have ever been despite the stretch marks and sagging skin and as hard as it is for some of us to accept it is so worth it to really appreciate how powerful and blessed you are to bring life into this world. In saying that I’ll still admit that the silly body image issues that I’m struggling with at the moment is these massive bags under my eyes that will probably never vanish and the fact that my hair wont grow past this awkward length stage quick enough (completely non baby related). Now lets talk more about pain… Postpartum pain. After I had given birth I had adrenaline and oxytocin running through me so it was hours before I started really feeling like I had just pushed a 3 kg baby out of me. Postpartum physically has taken a toll on me. Labour was incredibly painful but that pain is easily forgettable and it vanishes quickly once your babe is in your arms. Postpartum is a bitch, it’s painful and relentless and it can last for weeks. Physically I feel like I have been hit by a car, my vagina feels like its taken a brutal bashing, going to the bathroom is psychologically traumatic as I feel like once again everything is gonna rip and fall out, I went 10 beautiful months period free to then be potentially blessed with 6 months worth of a period in 6 weeks, my uterus likes to continuously and painfully contract especially when breastfeeding, my nipples the first couple of days felt like they were blistered and stung at every feed then once they healed my milk came in and to my happy surprise I had basically been given a free boob job but that bewilderment didn’t last long as they were as hard as rocks, super tender and incredibly sore. Sneaky fun fact: My boobs now legit have a 6th sense and can predict when Atticus is due for a feed, I start to get this warm tingling feeling and before you know it my boobs have started pouring like a tap. Since my milk has come in my clothes and Atticus clothes are constantly drenched, Atticus’ face is constantly sticky from my boobs leaking on his face and my nice bed cover has got milk stains all over it from leaking all throughout the night (regardless of breast pads). Everyone tells you to sleep when the baby sleeps but Atticus sleeps every two hours around the clock and feeds for an hour after those 2 hours. I only have approx 4 suitable daytime hours to pretend to be a human meaning that this women can not sleep during the day cause she has to put on the 7 loads of washing that needs to be done cause all of our clothes are either covered in poo, vomit, wee or milk, fuel myself with food to maintain my milk supply and provide myself with some sort of energy, ‘relax’ and mentally prepare myself for a lonnnngg night full of broken sleep. I feel like I am on the biggest repetitive bender of my life. There have been a of couple times during the middle of the night when Atticus is being indecisive and fussy and I have gotten frustrated especially when he’s pinching and scratching at my nipples instead of feeding, when I change one nappy only for him to explosively poo in the fresh one within seconds and when he decides he has had enough so I put him down and then all of a sudden he is incredibly hungry all over again. Don’t get me wrong Atticus so far has been a pretty chilled out little babe and only ever releases a true cry when he gets his nappy changed in the cold instead of in front of the heater but to be on call 24/7 in pain and trying to heal has been a huge challenge thus far. On the emotional side of things, the baby blues are apparently meant to hit at around day three following birth (This is different from postnatal depression) and is triggered by a change in hormones. Atticus has been an amazing little man and has been pretty easy on me so despite me feeling sore and incredibly tired I don’t think I experienced the baby blues, but who knows I could be a late baby blues bloomer. Yes there have been a couple of times like I said above that I’ve gotten a little frustrated and yep there has been a few tears but mostly because I am beyond tired but other than that I have absolutely enjoyed the time with my new family and getting to know my new baby. In regards to my feelings towards Adam, WOW. I just fell in love with my baby boy who would have known I would fall completely head over heals for Adam again. I remember when we got home from the hospital Adam kissed me and it was like we were kissing for the first time again and my heart pounded so fast and it was a feeling I knew all to well, the same feeling I had 7 years ago when we first met. Since the birth of Atticus it’s like Adam and I just met even though Adam is the same person I have known and loved for so long having a baby with him and seeing him with our boy has released a new side of him that I have never known until now and it really has made my heart want to burst at the seams for him and has made me fall in love all over again. Cuddling him even feels different, basically we can’t keep our hands off each other because we are so loved up and in awe of our creation. These feelings alone have probably been my saving grace from the baby blues. As for my little Atticus, there are no words for my feelings towards him. He is truly the apple of our eyes and even though I have been complaining that he is growing way too quickly and wish time would slow right down we could not be more excited to watch him grow and reach each milestone. Already in 12 days there has been so much joy and wonder brought into our lives because of Atticus and Adam and I have found ourselves connecting and laughing and at things we would never have imagined we would think is funny (like accidentally using your fingers to wipe poo up instead of the wipe). We really appreciate and soak up the little intervals of the time we have together and despite all the pain I have and still have to endure during this time I wouldn’t change a thing in this world and love my welcoming into Motherhood nonetheless. A little pre warning for those that are squirmish, it's not all butterflies and rainbows and it's pretty long and detailed...
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