8/12/2016 0 Comments 2016 in reviewI am a pretty anxious person so when I found out I was pregnant it put my whole world into a spin. I was incredibly excited but also very nervous. You never really know where life is gonna take you but any idea's I had got distorted and blurry pretty quickly. I was determined not to make my pregnancy change much in my life at the time so I continued with Uni up until I was early in my third trimester and I worked 30 hours a week up until 2 weeks before I gave birth, these two major things where also combined with alot of other stuff that was happening around me. Honestly, I didn't leave much time for myself in between everything either, I kept myself super busy and muddled up with everything which in hindsight was a big mistake. I had people all around me telling me to give it a break, I had Adam trying to calm every insecurity I felt for my future and I put too much pressure on myself to make sure everything was together. I was happy and excited but I was also drained and sometimes lost. So much is going on in your body just with pregnancy alone and I think I purposely made sure my plate was overfull so that I didn't have to face the fact that everything as I knew it really was going to change or come to terms with the fact that I had lost the reigns long ago. Pregnancy is a mystery, sometimes magical, sometimes cruel. Your not entirely sure physically, mentally and emotionally whats going on most of the time. Google provides some clarification that no that stabbing pain in your vagina isn't your baby with a samurai sword but is just common nerve pain and the only explanation you get for crying during the Telstra ad is hormones- which holds its validity throughout a women's entire lifespan. One day I felt on top of the world and the next day I would be barely functioning. In terms of being prepared... the only thing you can really prepare for is to getting rid off all the expectations and also the stuff you need to buy for the baby two things I think I did pretty well. You can have their wardrobe full of clothes, the cot set up, stockpiles of nappies ready to go and all the rest of the little bit and bobs that you have spent months researching about all in order but personally for me no amount of essential lists I pinned on pinterest, stories, articles or books I read, the prior personal experience I possessed or the classes I took could 100% prepare me for 1. The Birth and 2. The Baby. The night I gave birth Adam was able to stay with me until it was like 2am after that Adam and the nurses left me to rest with my brand new baby fast asleep in the hospital bassinet next to me. I was pretty anxious about being without Adam, I was swollen, could barely get myself off the bed, I was beginning the journey of exhaustion and I wasnt so sure what to do with Atticus. I didn't go to sleep straight away, I stared at Atticus, notified my friends and woke them up with a very detailed birth story and fought the urge to wee because I was too scared. I didn't know that Atticus needed to be fed every couple of hours, that I had to check his nappy or even that I was free to pick him up when I pleased so when he got grizzly in those early hours, I had no bloody clue what to do so I shh'd him and softly patted his tiny body back to sleep. It wasnt until the morning when I would wait for the nurse to place him back in my arms that she asked me about when he last fed or if I have checked his nappy. I probably looked at her a bit blankly so she ended up giving me a checklist so every feed and nappy change including all the finer details were documented. It was the second day I got the hang of things, the nurses were actually baffled at the fact that it was my first baby as apparently I seemed to be doing really well but all that was really happening was that I was starting to master a motherhood skill of 'winging it until it works' which has been working out very well for me. After 2 days I left that hospital waddling from being swollen and having to get used to walking with maternity pads the size of a surfboard in between my legs with Atticus bundled up in my arms. It was the most beautiful moment watching his face light up with the suns glow and christened with the earths crisp winter air when we left that building but at the same time I also felt homesick leaving the hospital as my life changed so dramatically in the space of hours there. Bringing him home was legit like preparing to warmly welcome a complete stranger into your home without the means of a detailed background check. It's funny, you initially know nothing about your baby, yes their name, their birth details and you now know the basic baby stuff like that they need a meal every couple of hours and that their nappy needs to be changed etc but really you dont know alot about them and it's through the trial and error game that you try and figure it all out. There is so much more to these little people then just the regular baby stuff and you quickly learn that just like you they are unique and individual and that they aren't the typical textbook baby. From birth they have individual preferences and characteristics that you quickly tune yourself into (like the fact Atticus hated normal baby lullabies and instead went for the hard and heavy music to get to sleep). I am so lucky Adam was with me every hour for the first 5 weeks of Atticus' life which buried alot of my pondering anxiety as I always had an extra set of hands and support especially when we were out and about. Since bringing Atti home I have noticed a complete change in myself I have let go alot especially the need to control things and I actually started to relax with myself especially when it came to my thoughts on where my life was heading. I finally felt at peace because there was no where more important for me to be then with Atticus. I feel alot less stressed, a ton happier and I have hardly cried since having Atticus and I think it goes to show that I am exactly where I need to be. Having a baby fills your plate and sometimes overfills your plate but its with all the good stuff and looking back during pregnancy I wasnt allowing myself to have that good stuff by trying to control my direction in life. I'm so glad I put Uni on hold and gave myself time to fully embrace being a mumma without all the added stress. I couldn't of ever imagined how rapidly Atticus would grow and I had no idea how quickly he would learn and flourish and go from a newborn to a baby in such a short amount of time but I am so relieved and thankful that I allowed myself to devote as much of myself to him in these first few months of his life and that at the end of the day it was a choice I made for myself. Looking back on this year it has been so full on. We got married and honeymooned, I was pregnant, working and studying, we lost a loved one, I brought Atti into the world and we became parents along with all the other little hiccups and festivities along the way and one we are so looking forward too- Atti's first Christmas and the start of our own family traditions. It has defiantly been the busiest, most trialing, happiest, intense and most exciting year of my life and so much goodness and prosperity has come from it all. I have learnt so much from hindsight (as you do), things have become so much clearer for me, I have grown as a person, I have made alot of new friends and I have finally figured out whats important and whats not. 2016 has definitely set a benchmark for years to come and with 2017 just a few weeks away I cannot wait to see what it unleashes for us.
0 Comments
Leave a Reply. |