20/9/2016 0 Comments the 'i haves' of motherhoodI have crusty vomit living in between my boobs
I have a tangled greasy knot sitting on top of my head I have a nappy bin that’s overflowing I have ears that can hear his toe wiggle in the middle of the night I have super power reflexes I have a baby who explosively poo’d all over the carpet I have a load of washing that needs to be hung but is sitting there developing its own perfume I have had my share of headaches I have an annoying high pitched tone when I speak to my baby I have nipples that could basically tow a car and possibly a boat too I have a baby who I think has got everything he needs but is still scrunching his face up at me like I’m missing something (sleep perhaps?) I have not worn perfume in such a long time I have a constant load of washing on I have eyes that burn every morning & ears that ring every night at 6pm I have a brain that leaves things on top of the car and drives off I have ran out of phone memory too many times to count and have reluctantly had to delete double ups/triple ups of photos I have spoken too soon at 4 weeks and I now admit that this gig actually is very hard I have a baby who hates to be put down unless he is entertained or moving I have a stomach that contains last nights box of chocolates I have changed my babies nappies in the boot of the car too many times to count I have a baby that gets incredibly passionate about drinking his milk and will pull my nipples, scratch my chest up and grunt letting me know he is in absolute heaven I have kept my cool even through the times I have wanted to scream into the pillow I have a baby that is cleaner than me despite the fact that he is the one who wees, poos and spews on himself all day. I have almost had a mental break down when my baby screamed his lungs out in the car whilst I was driving on a main road with nowhere to stop I have 1000 burping cloths but they seem to disappear when I need them I have never felt more panicked in my life when he’s coughing and gasping for air because the milk went down the wrong way I have a body that needs more water, food, sleep and massages I have boobs that have a better let down then my shower head I have a back that needs to go on a massage retreat I have had poo smeared over my belly and on my fingers I have trusted my instincts I have most of my showers with my baby I have never wanted to be abducted for just 10 minutes more in my life I have not shaved my legs probably since my belly became too big and now I don’t have long enough showers to complete the task + I can’t even remember the last time I did my under arms but not to worry because those bloody pregnancy hormones that made me look like chewbacca are gone and it’s not really that noticeable meaning Adam hasn’t said anything yet I have an even better relationship with Adam, in every department I have learnt the virtue of patience I have never enjoyed getting out and about more in my life I think I have a better social life then before I have a body that I’ve never loved more I have a baby who keeps surprising us everyday with more smiles, coos and growth I have managed to read a book I have never experienced the thrill of checking a poo filled nappy until now I have mixed emotions when he falls asleep on my chest as his dreaming little face melts my heart into butter but at the same time I want to bloody get up and wee/sleep on my tummy for once in my life or enjoy a good spoon with Adam I have never been more excited when Adam arrives home I have an obsession with taking photos of my baby doing nothing I have fantasies about having a bath I have not accidentally weed myself since pregnancy I have no desire to listen to anyone telling me what’s normal and what’s not, what’s right and what’s wrong unless there is actually something wrong I have dreams of the day I will drink my tea/dinner whilst it’s still hot I have sadness and amazement that comes over me every time a week goes past and I spend a moment to reminisce on his birth and how I basically died but how I would do it all again for him I have never wanted time to slow down as much as I do now I have a desire to have more babies soon even though I would love to skip the whole ass ripping in half/vagina on fire part. I have a tendency to still try and do it all but obviously need to calm the f down I have never been more in love with two people I have never been so bad at getting back to people, returning calls/messages or even pressing the send button (sorry peeps) I have been winging this whole thing, as you do I have never felt so honest in everything I do and have never been myself more I have been blessed and have never loved life as much as I do now I have more of a reason to push to achieve I have no time to to think some days I have accidentally dropped my phone on my babies head, so has Adam I have surprisingly not cried since the first week after he came home which was caused by pure shock, tiredness and pain I have laughed more than I ever have before I have had some of the best days of my life with Adam since our baby was born I have a full calendar on most days- including the days where I’ve booked myself in to walk around wearing nothing but spew and milk under my dressing gown I have been surprisingly very relaxed I have thought many times how amazing it would be if men could breastfeed or give birth for that matter I have the most amazing family that supports my little family I have said some incredibly odd nonsense to Adam in the middle of the night I have sadly sat in his room packing away clothes he still fitted into only a few days before I have a tiny human who still smiles and wants cuddles every morning despite my cows ass breath I have never wanted a few spontaneous ciders more I have no understanding on why we women are punished during this whole process, first we can’t fit into any of our clothes with our bulging bellies, then we can’t even wear any of our clothes because they have to be boobie accessible. I have a son that will happily go to sleep 95% of the time if he’s being vigorously patted and bounced whilst listening to the loudest party music there is. I have all I need
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